Chapter 64: Not Entrusted, Not a Burden
Zhou Wanfeng remained silent, but at this moment, her eyes held an unreadable emotion.
Yu Aijun couldn’t see what was in her mind. He just stared into Zhou Wanfeng’s eyes, his voice cold and hard. “You are different from the cadets who just left. In their eyes, there is a longing and curiosity for being a soldier, for the army, and for the future. In fact, there are some among them who can’t keep up with the training, but they have a kind of passion, a will to strive. You have none of these. What you show and what I see is that you are just completing a task, a mission. Even when you help others, it’s because of this matter, this task’s additional attachment. Do you really want to help them? Why do you want to be a soldier? Or the question I asked that day, you are very outstanding in all aspects. Your superhuman physical fitness meets the requirements of an excellent soldier. But is being a soldier just about having excellent physical fitness? Your core is not right. Your thinking is not up to standard. This is the reason why I think you are not suited to be a soldier.”
A trace of emotion slowly welled up in Zhou Wanfeng’s calm eyes. She clenched her hands silently.
Her lips were tightly sealed, and she remained silent.
Yu Aijun stared at Zhou Wanfeng and roared, “Zhou Wanfeng, I order you to speak!” The sudden roar made a few of the officers who were passing by in the distance turn their heads.
Zhou Wanfeng’s icy face finally showed an expression. Her brow was furrowed, and her gaze was quiet and deep. She was no longer like a wooden block, standing there. Her pupils reflected Yu Aijun’s angry face. Her lips opened slightly, and her voice was as cold as ice. “When you enlisted, did your squad leader also say these things to you?”
Yu Aijun was taken aback. “What?”
But Zhou Wanfeng did not give him a chance to speak. Her eyes were fixed on him as she continued, “This is the first time in my life that I’ve been a soldier. You can say that I’m not doing a good enough job. If you use the word ‘suited’ for being a soldier, then your understanding is too narrow. What does it have to do with me?”
Yu Aijun was faintly angry and laughed. It was this kind of gaze and expression. She didn’t take his words seriously at all.
He took a deep breath and suppressed his anger. “That’s because I hope you can truly become an excellent soldier, and not just have excellent physical fitness. Your thinking needs to change. You need to redefine your definition of being a soldier.”
He took a breath and his tone softened a little. “Zhou Wanfeng, the political instructor, Chang, praised you for your strong mentality. You are calm and agile, with superhuman physical fitness, and your practical combat skills even surpass those of a veteran. The army emphasizes unity and consistency. Now, the eleven cadets who are living in the same dorm as you, how do you see them? Do you truly see them as teammates, as comrades-in-arms? Or do you dare to entrust your life to them? Do you dare to risk your life to protect them?”
“Zhou Wanfeng, I’m actually very worried about you,” Yu Aijun’s brow was deeply furrowed. “You are very outstanding, and you have infinite possibilities in the future. You are the kind of talent that the army and the country will need in the future… New recruits in the new recruit company who are not up to standard in their thinking will also be persuaded to go back.”
Zhou Wanfeng’s pupils constricted. She pursed her lips and slowly lowered her eyes. Yu Aijun’s angry and then worried gaze made her think of a snippet from her past life for a moment.
After a long while, she squeezed out a sentence from her throat. “Squad leader, what do you think is worse than death?”
“To be ashamed of the country, to fail to live up to expectations, to be a burden to my comrades,” Yu Aijun’s answer was crisp and clear.
Zhou Wanfeng looked up, her eyes already calm. “My words are to deny myself. I have come this far by acknowledging myself and admitting to myself. You want me to change? That is undoubtedly to have me deny my current self, and the self that has walked this path.
“Squad leader, thank you for admitting that I am very outstanding. I will never belittle myself or deny myself to gain humility. What kind of soldier I want to be, I don’t need others to teach me. I will only do what I can do. As you said, I will not entrust my life to anyone. But I dare to risk my life for them. That is also true.”
With that, Zhou Wanfeng raised her hand in a standard salute, turned, and went to the training ground to meet them.
But Yu Aijun stood there, staring at Zhou Wanfeng, his heart filled with shock.
For a moment, that sentence, “I will not entrust my life to anyone,” made him tremble. He actually understood what Zhou Wanfeng meant. Not to entrust to others, not to be a burden to others.
But at the same time, Yu Aijun still felt that Zhou Wanfeng’s thinking was twisted.
She did not see her companions, her teammates, as equals at all. She saw herself as the strong one, and the strong should pay to protect the weak.
In the short conversation, Yu Aijun seemed to see a lonely and arrogant soul. Proud, lonely, and with a cold attitude that kept everyone at a distance.
He was both shocked and also found that he might not be able to help Zhou Wanfeng at all.
The noisy and muggy training ground during the day became empty and quiet in the evening. A refreshing breeze blew, lifting the hair on Zhou Wanfeng’s forehead.
She heard the enthusiastic cheers of Jin Hongjie, Liu Shupei, and the others. She saw them standing on the side, waving their fists and cheering for the female cadets who were practicing crawling.
There was still a faint, colorful light struggling on the western horizon. Zhou Wanfeng’s footsteps slowly stopped. She stood there, quietly watching.
The yellow mud ground under her feet was covered in footprints and grass roots.
During the training during the day, she had no mind to pay attention to these things. When she went back at night, her training uniform was covered in mud and grass clippings.
She was able to stand here because she had chosen to, and also because she had studied hard to get here.
She could not betray her past self. Even the terrible, rotten self of her past life, she did not want to deny.
“Zhou Wanfeng!” Jin Hongjie’s loud voice, desperately waving her hand. “What are you standing there for? Come over!”
“Hurry up and come over!”
A few of the cadets who were doing extra training were now sitting on the ground, their faces, hands, and clothes covered in mud. They didn’t care about being dirty. They wiped their hands on their clothes twice, one hand holding a bun, the other a steamed bun. The steamed bun was broken open, and there were shredded pickles inside.
They were eating ravenously, so hungry.
The others were sitting around them, telling them to eat slowly.
Seeing Zhou Wanfeng come over, Jin Hongjie patted the spot next to her, telling her to sit down.
“I’m suddenly starting to miss the days of drill practice,” Hu Yinping suddenly said, then lowered her head and touched her scraped knee.
“I’m so tired. I feel like I haven’t had a moment’s rest since I came here.”
“I’m especially tired today. I’m a little homesick. I miss my mom,” someone said with a choked voice.
“That’s against the rules! We agreed not to bring that up!” someone’s voice was trembling.
“But I just miss my mom! I’m just saying it!”
“Me too. I’ve never dared to say it. Today, a piece of flesh the size of a fingernail was scraped off my elbow. When I was applying the medicine, I couldn’t help but cry. I’m just homesick.”
“Hey, hey, alright, alright! Don’t cry! What will it look like if your eyes are all swollen tomorrow?” Jin Hongjie stood up and quickly tried to liven up the atmosphere. “It’s a great fate that we can all live in the same dorm and train together. Think about the training to come. I heard that there will be emergency assemblies at night, night training, and a twenty or thirty-kilometer march with our packs. And there’s also target practice. I heard it’s the Type 95, and each person gets five rounds. 45 points is a pass. I’ve played a similar game of shooting balloons before. My aim is not bad. And there’s also grenade throwing training, and so on. You guys still have the mood to cry? I’m so excited.”
“Jin Hongjie, what you’re saying is making me want to cry even more,” Xia Mengmeng’s crying voice was obvious.
Jin Hongjie cried out in frustration. She turned to look at Zhou Wanfeng and Liu Shupei, only to see Liu Shupei lower her head slightly and gently wipe the corner of her eye. She then immediately aimed at Zhou Wanfeng, seeing her look up at the western sky. She was overjoyed. “Look at Zhou Wanfeng! She’s fine! Since we’ve chosen this as our future path, we should be mentally prepared, right, Zhou Wanfeng?”
“Zhou Wanfeng, you talk to them! We’re not even close to the end!” Jin Hongjie muttered and sat down.
Xia Mengmeng poked her head out and looked at Zhou Wanfeng, her voice soft and nasal. “Wanfeng, don’t you miss your home, your mom?”
“Zhou Wanfeng, you have to tell the truth! You can’t lie!” Wei Jiahui turned her head and looked over, her crying voice the most obvious.
Zhou Wanfeng picked up a piece of mud from the ground. It was not soft, not hard. She tossed it in her hand. Do I miss my home? Do I miss my mom? It seemed like something from another universe to her.
Seeing that she was not answering, everyone turned to look at her.
Jin Hongjie had thought she had found a solid fortress. Now, looking at Zhou Wanfeng’s appearance, she was a little dumbfounded.
Zhou Wanfeng raised her hand and threw the mud away. The west was already dark. She turned to look at the few pairs of eyes next to her. Those gazes were like they were investigating, to see if there were tears in her eyes.
She stood up, clapped her hands, her tone calm. “She was gone before I could remember. If she were alive, I probably would,” she said. If she were alive, it might have been another story.
Zhou Wanfeng turned and called out, “Let’s go. There might be a study session later.”
Behind her, everyone wiped their tears and stood up, all of them a little embarrassed.
They were all simple and kind girls. “From now on, we’ll all just think about it in our hearts, in private. We won’t say it out loud anymore.”
“Yes, yes.”
Before bed, each squad had arranged to learn how to pack their bags.
For field training, night drills, and marches, they had to carry their own quilts, mattresses, and other supplies.
Yu Aijun had the cadets gather around to watch his technique.
“First, fold the quilt in half, then in half again. It’s different from how you fold it every day. After you’ve folded it like this, put the carrying rope in the middle, with the two ends of the rope on either side of the quilt… In the end, it should form a three-horizontal, two-vertical net structure. You must remember to tie it tightly. It can’t fall apart after a few runs. You have to pull every knot tight.”
Yu Aijun put the finished product in the middle. After the female cadets had touched it, they each returned to their beds to start folding their quilts and trying to pack their bags.
They practiced until the duty officer blew the whistle for bed, which meant that the day’s training was over.
The next day, instead of the usual wake-up call, the whistle was urgent and fast, with a long tail, as if a sharp knife were about to pierce the sky.
It was like a rushing torrent, and the crisis was imminent.
“Everyone, emergency assembly!” a rough and loud voice shouted from downstairs.
Not to mention one dorm, the whole building seemed to shake in a second. They put on their pants, put on their shoes, and with their vests on, they put on their training uniforms while putting on their shoes.
Like a tank attack, all the cadets rushed downstairs to assemble.
All the squad leaders were neatly dressed and waiting downstairs.
It was a surprise attack, a five-kilometer run.
This was the prelude to the day. As the sun rose, the official training was still crawling, low crawl, high crawl, and side crawl.
30 meters, 10 meters for each, constantly changing posture and moving forward. 30 seconds was a pass.
It was another day of crawling on the ground.
Their elbows and knees, after a few days, would just be about to scab over when they would split open again. They had to correct their movements and improve their speed.
Everyone was reminiscing about the days of drill practice, but they were also gritting their teeth and holding on. If they didn’t pass, they would have to correct their movements over and over again, find the problem, and improve their results.
The most grueling part was the night training. An emergency assembly in the middle of the night, and a thirty-kilometer march with their packs. They would return at four in the morning. The mental and physical pain was extremely torturous.