Episode 34
‘Why isn’t this fool married yet?’
Even I had an eye for beauty, and Joon-wan was undeniably handsome. I hadn’t seen a more handsome human on television.
‘Is it just me?’
And he seemed to have a decent job and social standing.
‘It’s not like he’s a poor bachelor who missed his chance to marry…’
Then could it be… that he couldn’t perform? I tilted my head, recalling the time I had seen him naked.
‘He can’t be impotent with such a fine tool, can he?’
If that was the issue, I could easily fix it once I regained my Yeouiju.
“…”
I pondered, fiddling with the phone he had bought me, when he asked,
“Can you hear me?”
“Yes.”
Simply wondering wouldn’t solve anything. I decided to ask him directly.
“I’ve been curious, why are you being so kind to me?”
He looked at me as if I had spoken gibberish.
“I appreciate it, but you don’t have to go to such lengths.”
I continued, speaking into the phone.
“I’m already indebted to you for feeding me, sheltering me, and trying to find a way for me to become a dragon again.”
My voice, transmitted through the phone, this wondrous device I had seen on television, reached Joon-wan’s ears.
“But why are you doing more than that?”
He remained silent.
“Even if I regain my powers and ascend to the heavens… you don’t seem to want anything from me… and yet you’re being so kind… I’m grateful. I truly am… but I’m worried about you. You seem like a pushover, in human terms.”
He looked genuinely shocked.
“Do you treat other humans like this?”
His reaction flustered me.
“Anyway, I just wanted to say, I’m grateful. I’ll help you in any way I can once I become a dragon again.”
“…”
“Whatever you desire, no matter how embarrassing or trivial.”
“…”
“Why are you still single? Haven’t you met anyone you want to marry? Or is there something you’re not telling me?”
“…”
“I think what you need is a partner. It’s not good to be alone. I can help you, whichever the case may be.”
“No, thank you.”
His firm rejection, both from his mouth and through the phone, came simultaneously.
“A partner isn’t a possession, tangible or intangible. Love isn’t something you can wish for. It’s something you encounter unexpectedly… “
“…”
“…Like an accident. An unavoidable one.”
He said.
“I’m waiting for that moment. And the only reason I’m being kind to you is because I feel guilty.”
“…”
“You fell from the heavens because of me. So, my only wish is for you to ascend. That’s all.”
His words, transmitted clearly through the phone, reached my ears.
“So, stop worrying about what you can do for me and focus on ascending. That’s how you can grant my wish.”
His tone was cold, drawing a clear line between us.
I blinked, speechless.
I felt hurt, for some reason. His words sounded like, “You have nothing to offer me.”
“Shall we eat?”
“…Yes.”
I nodded, thinking to myself,
‘Who said I’m not going to ascend? I just want to do something for you before I leave.’
And then it happened.
“You’re too sentimental.”
A voice from the depths of my memory surfaced, like an Imugi emerging from a lake.
“You love insignificant things. Things that will vanish in a mere century.”
I flinched, my body stiffening. The voice, filled with both pity and anger, turned into a lament.
“How can you become a dragon with such attachments? The things you love will only hold you back and bring you sorrow.”
I remembered the owner of the voice. It was my friend, the one who had ascended to the heavens with one of my Yeouiju long ago. I had also heard his voice when I transformed into a Gangcheol, amidst the scorching heat.
He was a snake who had urged me to ascend with him.
‘When was that…’
Was it during a time when even this tiny land was divided into kingdoms, with kings constantly changing, the power shifting back and forth?
I searched my memory.
‘It must have been thousands of years ago.’
He was already a snake who had lived for over a thousand years back then, desperately yearning to ascend to the heavens but unable to obtain a Yeouiju.
“Then take mine.”
I had two Yeouiju for some reason.
He looked at me in disbelief when I offered him one without asking for anything in return.
“Why? Why would you do this?”
“You need it, and I don’t need two, right?”
I hadn’t wanted to ascend back then.
After all, what did it matter if I had one or two Yeouiju? I could wield as much power as I desired.
“Let’s go together.”
But my gesture seemed to move him deeply. Even after obtaining the Yeouiju, he didn’t ascend immediately. Instead, he tried to persuade me to join him.
“You’ve lived longer than me, you must know better. There’s no hope for this land or its humans. Come with me, I’m tired of being here.”
For a hundred years, he tried to sway me, shaking me awake from my slumber in the earth.
“I want to go with you.”
But I hesitated. I liked this land, I liked humans, I liked everything.
The heavens held no appeal for me. It was just a vast emptiness.
He eventually gave up. He clicked his tongue.
“You’ll regret it. Loving such futile and fragile things.”
He lamented, then ascended to the heavens, saying,
“You’re blind to the one you should truly love, even though they’re right before your eyes.”
And a few hundred years later, humans quickly forgot me.
He had been right. I couldn’t deny it.
There were many kind and beautiful humans. But whenever I grew attached, they died too soon.
‘Humans are so fragile.’
I didn’t understand why I kept caring for them, but I couldn’t help it.
Sometimes, I felt like I was killing them with my affection. Their lives were so fleeting, like how they perceived the life of a worm, a mere blink of an eye…
But I couldn’t stop loving them. Even after they forgot me. For a very long time, alone.
Was he happy in the heavens, living his dream?
‘Ah, I’m being too sentimental again.’
I felt embarrassed, taking another bite of rice after my trip down memory lane.
‘Well, if he doesn’t want anything from me, there’s nothing I can do.’
My friend was right.
‘Even the best intentions are useless if they’re unwanted.’
I wondered if it was wise to grow attached to a human whose lifespan was less than a century, when I was about to ascend to the heavens.
I was slightly embarrassed by his blunt rejection of my heartfelt offer, but I quickly recovered.
‘Hmph.’
“So, are we going out again tonight?”
The food was delicious. I couldn’t understand how the meat could be so tender and flavorful.
“How are you feeling, Hanin?”
Joon-wan asked, placing grilled meat on my rice bowl.
“Aren’t you tired from using your powers every night?”
“Tired… I am, but… I have to do what I can to help the creatures of this land, right? And accumulate merits.”
I added,
“So I can ascend to the heavens quickly, as you wish.”
I knew I would become a burden if I stayed too long, especially since I couldn’t grant his wish.
‘Weren’t those your exact words?’
“…”
I had said it partly to prevent myself from getting attached, or to detach myself quickly if I already was. But the human across from me just blinked, his chopsticks frozen in midair.
“But…”
He hesitated, then asked in a small voice,
“Once you ascend to the heavens, is there no coming back?”
“Huh?”
“Like a vacation, for example. You can’t come back to earth?”
‘Vacation…’
I pondered his question.
“It’s possible, but… it’s like, in human terms, you need to earn seniority. It wouldn’t happen for a few hundred years, at least. And even then, I wouldn’t be allowed to set foot on earth.”
I stroked my chin.
“Come to think of it, I have a friend who ascended to the heavens a long time ago. I haven’t heard from him since. I wonder if he’s still alive.”
‘Is he doing well?’
The heavens must be vast, even larger than this land.
I wondered if I would see him again once I ascended.
‘He must be doing better than me, right? Happy, having achieved his dream?’
My friend had been right, after all.
“There’s no hope for this land. So, come with me.”
Hadn’t this disaster happened because I had stayed here?
I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t followed him back then.