It struck like a bolt from the blue.
Tao Shuran’s hand went slack, and the soda bottle she held rolled away with a gurgle.
The pigment-mixed drink spilled everywhere. She bent down in embarrassment to wipe the splashes from her skirt, her heart pounding chaotically.
What was he saying?
What had she just heard?
Tao Shuran struggled to suppress the stormy waves in her heart and forced herself to look at him with a calm demeanor.
“You… you’re not joking, are you?”
“I never joke about feelings.”
Fu Changpei pulled out a tissue box and handed it to her. As he took a step forward, she immediately retreated one.
He gave a bitter smile and said warmly, “I don’t need any answer from you. Just like all these years without taking action, I only want to like you silently.”
“But Tao Shuran, you can understand this kind of feeling, right?”
“This suffocating sensation hidden in the heart, unable to be spoken aloud.”
Tao Shuran opened her mouth, then felt that all words seemed pale and powerless.
“I never thought…” she said, “that one day someone else would like me too.”
“You’re excellent. Liking you isn’t impossible at all.”
Fu Changpei smiled. “It’s just that you’re always used to focusing your gaze on others.”
In that instant, many scenes flooded into Tao Shuran’s mind.
In many frustrating moments of her life, Fu Changpei had always quietly stood by her side encouraging her. When she had just arrived in Fuqing City and was unaccustomed to everything, he was the first to hand her his notebook.
So everything had signs to follow.
She said guiltily, “I’m sorry.”
“But all these years, I’ve never been able to like anyone else.”
“I know.”
Fu Changpei looked at her gently and said, “I understand the choices you’ve made.”
“Because like you, I have a heart that yearns for light in the darkness.”
Waiting and silence were innate talents for every secret admirer.
The answer that might never come in a lifetime.
Was actually a psychological expectation already prepared long ago.
At this thought, Tao Shuran suddenly felt somewhat relieved.
Her romance with Liang Yuanjing, even if fake, had perfectly fulfilled one of her dreams at the time.
“Fu Changpei, look back.”
Tao Shuran said softly, “Someone has been waiting for you.”
She couldn’t sleep on the way back at all. The clock pointed to ten o’clock. An hour earlier, Zhao Yanyun had sent a message saying she had a social engagement and wouldn’t be back tonight.
Tao Shuran had grown accustomed to her busyness.
She got up intending to cook some porridge, but everything she did was a flustered mess; she was restless.
With a sigh, Tao Shuran called Fang Qingyi.
“Little Yi.”
“What’s up?” Fang Qingyi lay on the bed with a face mask on, her speech unclear. “I’m doing a face mask, Ranran.”
“Why aren’t you saying anything?”
Tao Shuran really couldn’t bring herself to say it.
“Forget it.” She pursed her lips and asked gently, “Do you know where Liang Yuanjing lives now?”
“He moved out of Zhongshan Mansion, right? I’d have to ask around for the exact address.”
Fang Qingyi bounced up from the bed and asked with a giggle, “What, do you want to see him?”
“…No.”
Tao Shuran said, “I just heard from Fu Changpei today that he has a fever. He’s a friend at least.”
“At the very least, I can’t just let him die without helping.”
“What? You met Fu Changpei?”
Fang Qingyi’s voice carried a hint of excitement. “Did he come back from Shanghai?”
“Yeah.”
Tao Shuran asked slowly, “Do you still like him now?”
“I’ve always liked him.”
Fang Qingyi answered without hesitation on the other end of the line. Just mentioning him filled her voice with expectant sweetness.
“You don’t know how breathtaking it felt the first time I saw him in high school. In my eyes, he was different from all other boys—quiet, considerate, knowing boundaries. When he smiled, I felt like I could drown in that gentleness.”
Tao Shuran understood all these emotions she described.
Precisely because she understood, she knew even better how much the next words would hurt her.
Tao Shuran weighed her words and said slowly, “What if you knew Fu Changpei liked another girl?”
The other end suddenly fell into a long silence.
The unlit room was dim, and the feeling of liking someone was like trying to see flowers in the fog—nothing could be grasped.
After about five minutes, Fang Qingyi peeled off the face mask, tossed it into the trash, and laughed easily.
“Then I’d still like him. Liking someone else is one of his rights. I can’t selfishly forbid him from liking others just because I like him, right?”
“What if…”
Tao Shuran spoke very slowly, hesitating in her inner conflict, when Fang Qingyi suddenly interrupted her.
Her voice sounded normal, even carrying a bit of laughter as she said—
“I already know what you’re going to say.”
Tao Shuran’s eyelashes trembled lightly. She stammered, suddenly not knowing what to say.
“I’ve known for a long time that Fu Changpei likes you.”
Fang Qingyi sighed with a touch of bitterness. “Come to think of it, I knew him even earlier than you. Even starting from the same line, it was obvious I lost.”
“He doesn’t like me because of his reasons, my reasons, but Ranran, it’s never because of you.”
Fang Qingyi rarely spoke in such a solemn tone; she said seriously, “Don’t attribute all the setbacks to yourself, like before when Liang Yuanjing’s flight status had issues, and you blamed yourself.”
Tao Shuran opened her mouth and said softly, “Okay.”
She had been born into a “sacrificial” family.
Her father had given up work to take care of her, and her mother had job-hopped to Fuqing City for better educational resources, working day and night.
In the end, the two of them broke up over her, going their separate ways.
Breaking up with Liang Yuanjing was also because she realized her secret crush had troubled him.
Finally, Tao Shuran couldn’t help but inquire about his recent situation.
“Little Yi, do you know why Liang Yuanjing moved out to live on his own?”
“Seems like family issues. I heard from Zhao Zhengnian that he had a pretty bad falling out with his family for a while.”
“His family doesn’t lack money, and his mom is an entrepreneur. She thinks there’s no need for him to suffer in flying.”
Fang Qingyi had kept in touch with Zhao Zhengnian and occasionally heard bits and pieces about Liang Yuanjing from him.
She sighed, thinking of the high-spirited Liang Yuanjing from high school days, who had faced successive setbacks in family and love in the following years.
“By the way, did you know Liang Yuanjing almost got grounded from flying once?”
One sentence stirred up a thousand waves.
Tao Shuran’s breath hitched for a moment. “Why?”
“I’m not too clear on that. I just heard it casually from Zhao Zhengnian.”
Fang Qingyi said softly, “After graduation, it feels like no one’s doing all that well. Zhao Zhengnian hurt his leg playing soccer a couple days ago. Yesterday when I went back, I saw my parents had so many more white hairs.”
“I probably won’t go that far away anymore. I want to stay home and keep them company properly.”
When Tao Shuran went downstairs to call a cab, she was still thinking about Fang Qingyi’s words.
She looked up at the starry night sky, then turned back for a distant glance at the residential building swallowed by darkness.
So where was her own homeward path?
Her family had long been shattered, no longer existing.
Ten minutes later, Zhao Zhengnian sent over Liang Yuanjing’s address.
This apartment was one they rented together. Due to their work natures, the place was empty most of the time.
So Zhao Zhengnian sent a message: “Tao Meimei, don’t come empty-handed. Bring some medicine.”
Fang Qingyi quickly followed up: “How thick is your face, bossing around our Ranran? Pay up.”
Zhao Zhengnian was generous and immediately sent a red envelope in the group.
It was only when Tao Shuran reached the door that she realized Zhao Zhengnian had created a new WeChat group for them, named “Liang Yuanjing Illness Discussion Group.”
She couldn’t help but burst out laughing with a “pfft.”
“Stranger face detected.”
The password lock beeped. Tao Shuran pressed the doorbell twice and waited about two minutes, but no one answered.
She grew anxious and messaged Zhao Zhengnian asking for the password.
It took a long five minutes for a reply.
Zhao Zhengnian: “…Can I say I forgot too? I never use the password to open the door.”
“This lock even takes a password?”
Fang Qingyi: “Useless, get lost.”
“Ranran, why don’t you try a couple passwords?”
“If it really doesn’t work, chop off Zhao Zhengnian’s hand and send it over to unlock.”
Zhao Zhengnian: “Big sis, are you human?”
Her phone vibrated nonstop in her pocket as the two bickered noisily in the group.
Tao Shuran sighed and half-squatted down, focusing intently on studying the password lock.
She tried inputting Liang Yuanjing’s birthday. A cold “Incorrect password” sounded.
Tao Shuran frowned and tentatively entered her own birthday.
…Incorrect password.
She felt a bit unhappy and tried six 6s, six 8s, combinations from 1 to 6, all sorts of wild guesses.
The endless “Incorrect password” prompts exhausted her patience.
The noise attracted a stray cat from the complex—a orange tabby with white mittens sat there, tilting its head at her.
Tao Shuran suddenly thought of 0713, the one they had raised together.
0713 had now entered its old age. During the five years she and Liang Yuanjing had been apart, it had been the most active period of its cat life.
Her eyes grew slightly moist, and at that moment, inspiration struck. She tentatively entered that string of numbers.
The door clicked open.
Tao Shuran stood up in disbelief.
As she felt her way inside along the wall in the dark, her heart was filled with mixed emotions.
0713 was the day she first met him.
0713 was the name they gave the cat they fed together.
0713 was the ID he used in the forum to stand up for her righteously.
So Liang Yuanjing, in your heart, what did 0713 represent?
After fumbling along the wall for a while, Tao Shuran still couldn’t find the light switch in Liang Yuanjing’s place. She turned on her phone’s flashlight and went to the living room side.
Instead, she flipped on the floor lamp switch.
The dim yellow light spilled like moonlight onto one corner of the sofa. Dust motes danced in the air, making all the tiny emotions clearly visible.
Tao Shuran stood quietly by the sofa, looking down at the shadow cast by Liang Yuanjing’s long eyelashes as they drooped.
In the moment she saw him, she found that all the surging emotions from before had strangely vanished.
Seeing the dark circles under his eyes, the slight frown from the fever—even in pain, he merely curled up, enduring desperately.
Had he been getting through these years like this?
She took a step forward and accidentally stepped on a glass on the carpet. The cup rolled with a gurgle under the sofa.
Tao Shuran sighed softly, supported herself on the edge of the sofa, and squatted down to pick it up.
Her wrist was suddenly yanked hard. A scorching heat abruptly pressed against it. She tried to struggle, but it gripped even tighter, carrying an intense possessiveness.
Tao Shuran slowly stood up and looked at him helplessly.
Under the hazy light, Liang Yuanjing lifted his pale face. Those pitch-black, deep eyes stared at her unblinkingly in the night.
From the effort, his pale, dry lips pressed out a bit of red.
He didn’t speak, just looked at her silently. After a while, his fingertips slowly and lightly brushed toward her cheek, as if to confirm whether the her before him now was illusion or reality.
Tao Shuran turned her head slightly away and took the chance to stand up, walking into the shadowed darkness without light.
Liang Yuanjing raised his head and sat up on the sofa.
His hoarse voice grated like sandpaper as he squinted at her in the corner. “Who are you?”
For an instant, Tao Shuran thought Liang Yuanjing hadn’t recognized her.
Perhaps she really feared being misunderstood by him.
In that moment, strangely, she said—
“Oh, I’m Fang Qingyi.”
A scoff came from Liang Yuanjing’s mouth.
He straightened the blanket over him and propped his chin, looking at her leisurely.
“Trying to fool a kid?”
“Afraid I’ll cling to you?”
Tao Shuran didn’t speak.
She circled to the water bar area and, borrowing the faint light, poured him a cup of warm water. In the darkness, Liang Yuanjing’s gaze locked onto her with an undeniable presence.
His tongue pressed against his cheek, his breathing heavy. Watching her bustle about for him, he suddenly laughed.
Roguishly, he said, “Though I do plan to do exactly that.”
“Take one of these. Drink the effervescent when it’s cooler.”
Tao Shuran lowered her head and spoke to him in as emotionless a tone as possible. “Zhao Zhengnian is out of town and can’t rush back, so he asked me to come check on you.”
“So obedient?”
Liang Yuanjing snorted a laugh. “If you ignore me and let me die here, no one will come looking for trouble with you.”
Tonight, her soft heart had revealed too much.
And Liang Yuanjing was an acutely sensitive person. In the past, even the slightest trace of her affection would be detected by him.
Today was no different.
Her cheeks grew hot under his gaze. Tao Shuran could bear it no longer. She took two deep breaths, her heart in chaos as she reached out to cover his eyes.
“Take the medicine and obediently close your eyes to sleep,” she urged.
The instant his vision was blocked, Liang Yuanjing’s mind filled with the scene of her leaning close just moments before.
Her light purple knit sweater clung to her contours. Under the light, her slender collarbone stood out clearly. His gaze lingered on her waist without pause, and he felt she had grown even more delicate over the years.
All visible light was now blocked by her hand, as if she had surrendered all control.
Liang Yuanjing tilted his head back. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he let out a light laugh, savoring the moment.
“Not sleeping.”
He turned the tables. His fingertips pressed against her palm, drawing their skin into seamless contact.
So close that Tao Shuran could scarcely breathe.
She parted her lips. His scent filled the air from every direction—a sweet tang, like a lemon slice steeped in honey water.
In the darkness, Liang Yuanjing raised his head slightly. He tugged his lips into a smile. Under her gaze, he slowly lowered his head and nipped her fingertip.
A fine sting, like a faint current, coursed through her body. Tao Shuran had nowhere to retreat. She looked down and saw the unhealed wound at the corner of his lips.
“Want to keep looking at you.”
The medicine was taking effect. Drowsiness overtook Liang Yuanjing. His head felt heavy, too heavy to lift.
He raised his eyelids. Fatigue clouded his eyes. His lifted hands reached feebly through the air toward her face.
In a low voice, he said, “If I close my eyes, you’ll leave.”
Tao Shuran, you should leave.
She couldn’t withstand his closeness. She reminded herself of this over and over in her heart.
Tao Shuran shot to her feet. She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath, suppressing the storm of emotions within her. She grabbed her bag and turned to go.
Her final words were, “The medicine’s on the tea table. There’s warm water in the thermos. And next time, take better care of yourself.”
Liang Yuanjing said nothing.
But as she turned, he suddenly reached out and caught her hand.
Like a final plea to stay.
Stripped of his usual pride, he gazed lost at her retreating back and murmured—
“Tao Shuran, all these years, I could only see you in my dreams.”
At those words, Tao Shuran’s nose soured.
At the same time, she felt a scalding drop fall onto the hand he held.
She whipped her head back in disbelief.
In the darkness, Liang Yuanjing casually flicked the floor lamp switch. The room plunged into pitch black. Nothing was visible—only raw emotion raged.
Her throat went dry, words failing her. She licked her lips several times before slowly pulling her hand free.
“It’s all in the past,” she told him.
Liang Yuanjing stared at her fixedly. “You’re still leaving, aren’t you?”
Tao Shuran’s departing figure hesitated for a moment.
She felt her guarded heart being pounded, heavy blow after heavy blow. In front of Liang Yuanjing, she so easily became a woman without principles.
The Tao Shuran who had lost the boundless courage of her youth no longer had the bravery to embrace a relationship without absolute certainty of happiness.
In her final moment at the door, Tao Shuran glanced back at Liang Yuanjing from afar.
He sat shrouded in night. A sliver of light from the city lights outside seeped through the window, outlining his solitude.
Those usually high-spirited brows and eyes now drooped faintly, revealing an unprecedented dejection.
Everything teetered on the edge of losing control.
She shut the door and leaned against the wall. Her mind replayed the final image of her and Liang Yuanjing.
Their foreheads pressed together, eyes locked. His palm bore down on the back of her neck as his body pressed close.
His low, husky voice murmured by her ear, bewitching her with its tenderness—
“Your five years of secret love—how about I repay you with my lifetime?”