This place was barren, not a blade of grass grew.
Later, you passed through here once,
And miraculously, all things began to grow,
This place is my heart.
——Zhou Jiang, Desert
–
Winter in Fan Yu was long and silent. For more than half the year, it was deep winter, characterized only by the bleakness of leafless trees and the fluttering snowflakes outside the window.
After Christmas, this so-called “City of Ice and Snow” in the mouths of outsiders grew even more bitterly cold. The bone-chilling, heart-piercing cold was something Huo Chuxue simply couldn’t withstand.
She had already been sick for three days with a bad cold, feeling heavy-headed and light-footed, utterly listless.
For the first two days, she had dragged herself to work sick. By the third day, her body really couldn’t take it anymore, so she asked her department for half a day off to rest at home. She hadn’t left her bed all afternoon.
Her consciousness was scattered, her gaze empty, as she stared dumbly at the left window frame.
A thin layer of frost had already formed on the glass. Through the icy layer, the world outside was blurred, gloomy, and silent.
By evening, the sky had gradually darkened, heavy with mist and haze. Several old trees were laden with thick snow, their branches almost breaking under the weight, like old men standing hunched against the wind and snow.
The indoor heating was ample, and Huo Chuxue was buried under a thick quilt, yet she still felt terribly, terribly cold. Her small body curled into a ball, shivering, as if drafts were blowing in from all sides of the bedding.
Even though it had been three full years since she came to Fan Yu, she still couldn’t adapt to the weather here. Every time winter arrived, she easily caught a cold.
So, coming to Fan Yu for work on a willful whim back then was completely out of her mind.
Huo Chuxue was from Qingling, a genuine girl from the watery towns of the south. Accustomed to mild, humid climates, in her first year in Fan Yu, she couldn’t adapt to such severe cold at all. She fell seriously ill and spent a full week in the hospital.
In the following two years, due to the climate, she suffered countless major and minor colds. One could say she was the most “frail” obstetrician.
But she didn’t regret it. Because this city was far on the border, she had no relatives here, and it would no longer have any connection to Qingling. Staying here alone was just fine for her.
The lights weren’t on indoors. In the narrow space, faint traces of light appeared, shadows crisscrossing, making everything seem particularly hazy and indistinct.
Huo Chuxue’s vision also dimmed along with the surrounding light.
Her phone, charging on the nightstand, had a black screen. A low, deep male voice flowed by her ear like a babbling stream—
After the rainy season, the new buds before the threshold are me
In deep winter, the fireplace smoke and dust are me
The branches stretch towards the reed-fringed lake in the distance
When birds startle, they shake the leaves loose
…
She had lost count of how many times it was on single-song repeat.
At six in the evening, the sky was completely dark. The sound of a key turning in the apartment door lock came, a faint, rustling noise, catching her off guard.
She knew it must be her roommate, Fu Liangwei, coming back.
Fu Liangwei was the first friend Huo Chuxue had made in this city. The year she met Fu Liangwei was when she was at her most wretched, like a defeated deserter, scarred and bruised, slinking away from Qingling to hide in Fan Yu. She had been hiding here for all these years.
And Fu Liangwei’s situation at the time wasn’t much better than hers.
The two young women met in their lowly state, sharing misery and mutual appreciation. Fu Liangwei became Huo Chuxue’s best friend besides Qiao Shengxi.
A moment later, Huo Chuxue heard familiar footsteps. Outside a wooden door, a gentle female voice slowly approached, “Xiaoxue, can I come in?”
She struggled to prop herself up, answering weakly, “The door isn’t locked, come right in.”
Fu Liangwei pushed the door open and asked directly, “How are you feeling this afternoon?”
“Same as before, no strength.” Huo Chuxue twitched the corners of her mouth twice; her lips were dry and starting to peel.
Hearing this, Fu Liangwei immediately furrowed her brows, her face showing worry. “You’ve had this cold for three days already. You should go to the hospital for an IV. The medicine isn’t helping, dragging it out like this won’t do.”
Huo Chuxue said, “I’m a doctor myself, I know my limits. Every time I get a cold, it tortures me for a few days before it gets better. I’m used to it by now.”
Fu Liangwei smiled helplessly. “Doctors make the worst patients. That phrase was made for people like you.”
A weak smile appeared on Huo Chuxue’s sharply pointed face, the frown between her brows smoothing out. She didn’t deny it, just said, “I just understand my own physical condition better.”
For people like them, doctors who spent every day in the hospital, to put it bluntly, they were sick of the smell of disinfectant. Unless it was something serious, no one wanted to run back to the hospital.
Fu Liangwei pricked up her ears to listen and said, “Why are you listening to this song again? You listen to it every day, don’t you get tired of it?!”
Huo Chuxue smiled faintly. “I think it sounds nice.”
Fu Liangwei said, “Folk songs are for lonely people to listen to. I don’t listen to them; whenever I do, I always feel like the lyrics are singing about me.”
Wasn’t that the truth!
Fu Liangwei’s gaze fell on Huo Chuxue’s pale face. “You need to get better quickly. I heard from Xiao Dong that you, the great Doctor Huo, are the backbone of your obstetrics department. Your department head practically treats you like a treasure to be enshrined.”
Huo Chuxue: “…”
This was getting more and more outrageous!
Huo Chuxue held her forehead. “It’s not that exaggerated!”
“Xiao Dong said it, not me.” Fu Liangwei shrugged and started walking towards the door. “Take care of yourself, don’t let it get serious. I won’t chat with you anymore; I’m in a hurry to go out.”
Huo Chuxue curled the corner of her mouth. “Teacher Fu is going on a date?”
Fu Liangwei’s beautiful willow-leaf eyebrows were furrowed, looking quite impatient. “Date, my foot! A group of teachers from University A have come to our school for lectures the past few days; they just arrived this afternoon. The leadership is hosting a welcome dinner for them at Man Wei Xuan tonight. I was dragged along by the principal to make up the numbers.”
Huo Chuxue: “…”
“Qingling University A?” Hearing “University A” from Fu Liangwei’s mouth, Huo Chuxue’s heart immediately skipped a beat and sank.
“What other University A is there? A top-tier university, really impressive. This time, over ten people came at the professor level alone. I heard there’s also a very famous literature professor, extremely good-looking.”
“What’s his name?” Her eyelashes trembled lightly, her voice suddenly shaking.
“Seems to be called He Qingshi.” Fu Liangwei tilted her head, thinking. “Xiaoxue, you did your undergrad and master’s at University A’s Medical School, right? Do you know this Professor He?”
“He Qingshi…” She silently repeated the name twice in her heart.
In an instant, her heart churned. A heart that had been as still as a dried-up well uncontrollably rippled with waves.
But in the end, she managed to steady her voice with great effort. “Mm… I know him…”
More than just knowing him; they were as familiar as could be.
Her heart tightened. Her right hand, hanging at her side, unconsciously clenched into a fist, her palm almost breaking the skin from her own grip.
“Is he really that good-looking?” Fu Liangwei’s gossip instincts were instantly ignited. “It’s not just a rumor, is it?”
Afraid Fu Liangwei would notice something off, Huo Chuxue tried her best to control her emotions and said lightly, “He’s alright.”
An ambiguous, non-committal answer.
Hearing this, Fu Liangwei raised her fine eyebrows and said naturally, “If someone from the Looks Association like you says he’s ‘alright,’ then he must be pretty good.”
Huo Chuxue: “…”
“When did I ever say I was in the Looks Association?”
“You’ve been in Fan Yu for three years and haven’t been in a relationship. I heard from Xiao Dong that several male doctors at your hospital have pursued you, but you haven’t shown the slightest interest. You definitely didn’t fancy them. I figure it probably takes a demon-level handsome man to catch your eye.”
Huo Chuxue: “…”
Xiao Dong again! When she got back to the hospital, she was going to sew Xiao Dong’s mouth shut. That girl was too much of a gossip!
“Just thinking about seeing a handsome man tonight makes me excited!” Fu Liangwei’s eyebrows danced, her expression animated, her words brimming with intense excitement. “I need to go change clothes quickly and put on some nice makeup, try to get him to look at me a few more times.”
Huo Chuxue: “…”
Huo Chuxue really didn’t want to pour cold water on Fu Liangwei, but He Qingshi’s eyes simply didn’t see any woman. Back then, she had been so shameless, casting aside all a girl’s reserve and dignity, approaching him again and again. Yet she was still ruthlessly sent back to square one.
He Qingshi was a man destined to die alone.
——
Fu Liangwei soon left the apartment.
Huo Chuxue stopped the single-song repeat. The large space returned to silence.
Huo Chuxue stared blankly at the world outside the window. Silver-clad and snow-wrapped, with the lights of ten thousand homes, the city’s night was brilliantly lit, yet oddly cold.
She didn’t know how much time had passed when her phone buzzed with a vibration, alerting her to a WeChat message.
Only then did she shift her gaze from the window and close her eyes. From staring at one spot for so long, her eyelids were sore and unbearable. A few clear tears quietly welled up.
She raised her arm to unplug the charger. The phone was fully charged. But what about the person?
Fu Liangwei had sent her a video on WeChat.
Fu Liangwei: “Xiaoxue, so handsome! A demon! I’m going to faint!!!”
Three exclamation marks weren’t enough to express Fu Liangwei’s excitement.
Huo Chuxue stared tightly at her phone screen. Her left hand holding the phone trembled slightly.
She took a deep breath and with effort tapped open the video. It was the person she knew best.
This man still loved wearing suits and ties so much, his shirt buttons fastened meticulously. Young in age yet appearing old-fashioned, rigorous and rigid. Exactly like the way he was when she first met him.
Three years without seeing him, he seemed to have grown thinner. His chin had become sharper, the cheekbones on both sides protruding especially prominently. The only thing unchanged was his innate aloofness, standing apart from the world.
It really was He Qingshi!
It had been too long since she had heard this name, so long she had almost forgotten it.
She stared blankly at the man’s face. For some reason, tears suddenly surged uncontrollably, like a breached dam, impossible to stop.
Perhaps because she was sick, she had become more fragile. Any small, trivial detail could easily bring forth countless past grievances and anger.
In fact, for Huo Chuxue, the name “He Qingshi” was like a curse hanging over her heart. Whether she remembered it herself or heard it from someone else’s mouth, it was enough to make her lose her composure, to make her collapse in defeat.
Three years. She had originally thought enough time had passed. She had long since forgotten this name, forgotten the person behind it, and the entangled feelings they once shared.
Little did she know, some things were kneaded into her bones and blood. The more time passed, the more she couldn’t forget. Buried deep in her heart, pulling one hair would move the whole body.
After a bout of wailing and crying, venting freely, drowsiness followed closely. She soon fell asleep.
She didn’t know how long she had slept. When she became aware again, she faintly heard the sound of a door opening.
Had Fu Liangwei returned so soon?
She sat up and pressed the switch by her hand. The room instantly became bright and clear.
“Knock, knock, knock…” Soon, knocking sounds came.
“Come in!” She looked towards the door and called out, “Weiwei, is it over already?”
At the same time, the door was pushed open. The person outside wasn’t Fu Liangwei, but that person she never would have expected.
Their eyes met. Huo Chuxue’s mind buzzed, all the blood in her body rushing to her head in an instant, pounding wildly against her temples. Her thoughts spun like an oiled swivel chair, turning at high speed…
“By the way, I forgot to ask your name, sir.”
“He Qingshi. The ‘Qingshi’ from ‘Qingshi has passed.’”