The moment she saw He Qingshi, Huo Chuxue hurriedly raised a hand to wipe her face, composing her expression. “Mr. He, are you here for an IV drip?”
He Qingshi walked forward and sat down beside her. “Just finished. I was about to head back.”
“Do you need another one tomorrow?” Huo Chuxue’s gaze fell on his handsome, yet still somewhat pale, face. “Are you feeling any better?”
“One more day tomorrow. Much better,” He Qingshi said.
“There’s a lot of influenza going around. Take care,” Huo Chuxue couldn’t help but add.
“I know.”
Evening was approaching, night slowly descending. The street lamps by the long bench lit up one by one. Warm, orange light fell into her eyes, and the sorrow she had deliberately suppressed was clearly visible to him.
He Qingshi asked, “Can you leave now?”
Huo Chuxue was taken aback. “What?”
“Are you off work?”
“I’ve been off for a while.”
“Then come with me.”
Huo Chuxue: “…”
“Where to?”
“To Yanshan to look at the stars.”
Huo Chuxue: “…”
“There are stars on a cloudy day?” She looked up at the sky. The night was thick and heavy, not a single star in sight, let alone on an overcast day like this.
“You’ll know when we get there.” He curved his lips into a smile, his gaze focused on her. “Doctor Huo, do you need to go change your clothes?”
“Wait for me five minutes.”
He Qingshi lifted the car keys in his hand. “I’ll get the car. I’ll wait for you at the main hospital gate.”
“Okay.”
Huo Chuxue changed her clothes at top speed and ran to the main gate to meet He Qingshi.
She opened the car door and got straight in.
——
Fang Ru and Qiao Shengxi were returning to the hospital from outside when they saw this scene from afar. The girl looked familiar, very much like Huo Chuxue.
Fang Ru pointed. “Xixi, look, isn’t that girl Xiaoxue?”
Qiao Shengxi glanced in the direction Fang Ru indicated, quickly pulled Fang Ru closer to her, and turned them both around. With a laugh, she said, “Your eyesight’s really failing. How could that be Xiaoxue? Xiaoxue is much thinner than her.”
Fang Ru rubbed her nose, half-convinced. “Really? But she looks so much like her!”
Qiao Shengxi lied through her teeth. “It’s dark, can’t see her face clearly. Just the back view is a bit similar.”
If Fang Ru found out Huo Chuxue was hanging out with a divorced old man, all hell would break loose.
——
Not long after the car left First Hospital, He Qingshi pulled over in front of a convenience store.
He returned a moment later with a large bag of snacks.
He handed a cup of milk tea to Huo Chuxue. “You haven’t had dinner. Have something to tide you over.”
Huo Chuxue reached out and took it, thanking him.
But she really had no appetite. She only took two sips of the milk tea.
They soon left the city center. The crowds grew sparser as they wound their way into the Yanshan area.
Yanshan District got its name from the famous mountain, Yanshan. The mountain wasn’t high, but it was a popular leisure spot for locals.
He Qingshi parked the car at the foot of the mountain, and the two of them began walking up.
She had thought there would be few people climbing so late, but surprisingly, there were quite a few, especially young couples. They ran into several pairs along the way.
The two of them climbed halfway up the mountain in one go. Huo Chuxue didn’t feel tired at all. She usually exercised regularly and her stamina was decent. This bit of climbing wouldn’t faze her.
It was He Qingshi, whose cold wasn’t fully better, who shouldn’t be engaging in strenuous activity.
She looked out for him, saying, “Let’s rest a bit.”
He Qingshi nodded. “Okay.”
After resting a short while, Huo Chuxue unscrewed a bottle of water and took a sip. She looked at He Qingshi with concern. “Are you okay? Tired?”
The cool, clear beam of a street lamp filtered through the dense foliage, falling on his face in dappled light and shadow, like a layer of floating fireflies.
He found her question somewhat amusing. “In your eyes, am I that fragile?”
He rarely smiled, but he did now. “I climb this mountain often, whenever I have time. It won’t tire me out.”
Huo Chuxue insisted, “You’re a patient right now.”
“It’s just a minor cold. I’m not that delicate.”
The mountain was quiet, the sound of rustling waves echoing in their ears from countless trees.
He Qingshi leaned against a tall pine tree, took a cigarette case from his pants pocket, and lit one for himself.
The lighter’s flame flashed briefly. Blue smoke curled from his fingertips, the scent of tobacco spreading through the air.
“Climbed here before?” He took a careful drag.
“No. I’ve never been to the Yanshan area before.” She quietly moved closer to him, reached up, and took the cigarette from his hand, stubbing it out on the ground. “Your cold isn’t better yet. Don’t smoke.”
He Qingshi: “…”
He chuckled wryly. “The craving hit. Couldn’t resist.”
“Don’t you smoke very little? You still get cravings?”
“Cigarettes are like drugs. Once you start, you’re bound to get addicted.”
Huo Chuxue played with the water bottle in her hand, naturally continuing the thought. “And love.”
Love was something more addictive than anything else.
After resting a while longer, the two continued up the mountain.
As they walked, He Qingshi said, “Never climbed Yanshan? You really don’t seem like a native of Qingling.”
Huo Chuxue tightened her collar. “You speak with perfectly enunciated, crisp and clear pronunciation, without a trace of the soft, lilting local accent. You don’t seem like a native of Qingling either.”
He Qingshi: “…”
“The first time I met you in Cenling, if you hadn’t said you were from Qingling yourself, I really wouldn’t have been able to tell. Your Mandarin is too standard.”
“My mother was a Chinese teacher. She was strict about that sort of thing from when I was young.”
“So Mr. He comes from a family of scholars?”
“You could say that. My parents, and my wife, were all teachers.”
“Are your parents still…?”
“Long gone.” He told her, “The third year after my wife passed, my parents also died one after the other, all within half a year.”
It seemed he was truly alone in the world!
The higher they climbed, the colder the night wind became. The wind grew stronger, howling past, rustling countless leaves in the forest.
Huo Chuxue was dressed lightly—a camisole underneath a thin, gauzy long coat. When the wind blew, she instinctively hugged her arms.
“Cold?” He Qingshi noticed her movement.
She smiled. “A little.”
He quickly took off his suit jacket and draped it over her shoulders. “Put it on.”
Huo Chuxue made to take it off. “No need, you still have a cold.”
He Qingshi pressed down on her shoulder, not allowing her to refuse. “I’m not cold.”
The clothes carried the man’s body warmth, making her feel incredibly comforted.
The view from the mountaintop was boundless, the entire city sprawled at their feet.
The rushing wind swept through, blowing fiercely between them, lifting the hems of their clothes, tangling their hair as it flew wildly.
Their vision opened up before them, countless brilliant city lights coming into view.
Huo Chuxue held onto the railing, slightly out of breath. “We’re finally here. I actually climbed 1588 steps.”
“You counted?” He Qingshi’s eyes, reflecting countless distant lights, showed a flicker of surprise.
He leaned against a sturdy pine tree, slightly bending one knee, his posture somewhat relaxed. As if he was emptying his mind.
“Is the number right?” She turned around, leaning her back against the railing.
“Completely correct. Exactly 1588 steps.”
“Back in university, I had to count suture knots so often during surgeries it became a professional habit. I count everything everywhere. In ancient towns, I count bridges. When climbing mountains, I count steps. I even count my steps going to work.”
“And the stars?” Huo Chuxue searched all around but still couldn’t see the stars He Qingshi had mentioned.
He Qingshi stood facing the wind. The night wind filled his pant legs, making them billow emptily and accentuating his lean, slender frame. He raised an arm and pointed at the distant, fragmented, faint lights. “Those are them.”
She followed his gesture. The vast night sky merged with the entire city into a giant silver screen, countless lights hanging in the sky like floating stars.
So this was what He Qingshi meant by stars.
“I thought there would really be stars.” Huo Chuxue sounded slightly disappointed.
“Look carefully. They’re beautiful.”
They were beautiful! The view from the mountaintop was expansive, all the scenery laid out before their eyes.
“When we were little, people always told us that when someone dies, they become a star in the sky. If we miss our loved ones, we can look up at the stars, as if they’re always with us.” He gazed into the distance, speaking softly. “But my wife said stars disappear on cloudy days. She once told me that if she left before me, and I missed her, I should go look at these lights. They’re not like stars. Regardless of whether it’s cloudy or clear, windy or rainy, they always light up at night. Seeing them would be like seeing her. She would always be with me.”
“Whether we’re willing or not, whether we can bear it or not, days pass, and people will always leave us. Doctor Huo, you’re not a god. Your hands can’t bring everyone back to the world of the living. You do your best, your conscience is clear, and that’s enough. If you feel sad, come look at these lights. Seeing them lit up is like no one has left. They’re always here.”
“How did you know?” Huo Chuxue’s beautiful eyes instantly misted over, becoming hazy.
“I could tell.” Such an optimistic, confident girl, always full of vitality and energy, as if she had an endless supply of strength. For something to make her feel so helpless and guilty, to hide in a corner and cry alone, it must be a matter of life and death. And she was a doctor, so it could only be a patient.
“Not long ago, I treated a thirteen-year-old girl. She was five months pregnant, having suffered long-term sexual abuse and domestic violence from her stepfather. Her mother brought her to the hospital for an induced abortion…”
After the abortion, the girl went home. Her mother took the stepfather to court. Word spread, and everyone in the neighborhood found out. Gossip was a fearful thing. The girl couldn’t withstand the pressure of public opinion, had a mental breakdown, and committed suicide. It wasn’t until the police came to the hospital that afternoon to investigate and collect evidence that Huo Chuxue learned about it.
“She was only thirteen… Her life had just begun. Why did society have to be so cruel to her…”
From the moment she heard the news, Huo Chuxue’s mind was in chaos. Having been a doctor for so long, she had seen plenty of life and death partings, but this thirteen-year-old girl still made her heart ache terribly.
The first time she assisted in surgery, the first time she faced death directly, her aunt had said she just hadn’t seen enough, that she’d become numb after seeing more. But over these years in medicine, life-and-death situations played out every day in the emergency room. She had seen too much. Too many vibrant lives had vanished before her eyes, often in just an instant. A colleague in the emergency department said they were saying goodbye to patients and fighting against the god of death every single day.
She had seen a lot, but that didn’t mean she had grown numb. Towards those cruel, evil things, she still felt hatred. Towards those innocent people, she still felt heartache. Towards things beyond her control, she still felt guilt.
After her hysterical outburst, Huo Chuxue felt like she had come back to life. Throughout this process, He Qingshi never disturbed her.
She drove herself too hard, was too strict with herself. Whenever she encountered something beyond her control, her mindset easily crumbled, her emotions easily spiraled. Right now, she needed to completely empty her mind.
“Sorry for making you see me like this.” A long while later, Huo Chuxue sniffled.
He Qingshi stood in the wind, never moving from his spot. The night wind tousled his short hair; the dark, thick crown of his head seemed to have condensed dewdrops.
In the darkness, she heard his voice, very low, yet each word struck forcefully into her heart. “I often climb Yanshan alone, from the foot to the summit, counting every step—1588 in total. Standing at the summit, I often feel life is meaningless, that my life will just be like this—living in loneliness and triviality, passing days in nothingness. That feeling is like someone with a prolonged illness, emaciated and withered, beyond help…”
But just today, just moments ago, seeing Huo Chuxue’s heartache over the loss of a young life, he suddenly felt he might have been wrong.
Here was someone sparing no effort to preserve life, while he was wasting his.
Looking out from the mountaintop, the entire city was bustling and clamorous, countless lights falling into one’s eyes. Those lights were bright, distant. A road lay ahead, as if leading all the way to the sky.
“Let’s go down.” He Qingshi finally withdrew his gaze and turned around.
The conversation ended abruptly. It had cut too close to the bone. Continuing would do neither of them any good.