Huo Chuxue was happy tonight, in high spirits, and drank a lot of wine in one go.
She didn’t notice that He Qingshi’s expression was dark and cold, his mind full of worries.
By the time they were heading back, she was somewhat incoherent.
She sat in the passenger seat, holding onto He Qingshi’s hand and refusing to let go, chattering away, “Thank you for tonight… thank you…”
He forcefully pulled his hand free. “You’re drunk. Get some sleep. I’ll wake you when we arrive.”
The hand he had just freed was grabbed again. “He Qingshi, do you know how much I like you… I really, really like you… you’re all I can think about, all I can see…”
He Qingshi: “…”
Drunk, her cheeks were flushed, her gaze unfocused, her eyes seductive and hazy. She was infinitely more alluring and bewitching than usual.
In summer, she wore little. The neckline of her dress was wide, and after a few tugs from her, it hung loose, half-concealing, half-revealing, offering a tantalizing view.
A beauty was a beauty; she was captivating enough without doing anything.
He Qingshi couldn’t bear to look directly, feeling restless and flustered.
To make matters worse, she clung to him like an octopus, impossible to shake off.
He just felt powerless.
He finally managed to drive safely to the entrance of her apartment building. By then, she had already fallen asleep leaning on his shoulder. No wonder she had become quiet later—she had fallen asleep.
He unbuckled his seatbelt, helped her up, and gently patted her cheek. “Wake up, we’re home!”
“We’re home?” Huo Chuxue’s eyes were unfocused, her face confused. “Then I’ll go up first.”
She twisted the car door handle, stumbled out, her steps unsteady.
He Qingshi, worried, quickly got out of the car and followed her, supporting her.
Summer clothes were thin, a light, breathable layer of fabric. A girl’s figure was slender and soft, seemingly fragile to the touch. He didn’t even dare to use much force.
Huo Chuxue was truly heavily drunk, not even recognizing people clearly. She pointed at He Qingshi’s nose and asked, “Who are you? Why do you look so much like He Qingshi?”
He Qingshi: “…”
“Who are you? Are you He Qingshi?” Seeing he didn’t speak, she grabbed his hand again and pressed, relentless and stubborn like a child. “Tell me, are you He Qingshi?”
“I am,” he said, steadying her, his voice carrying a gentleness he himself hadn’t noticed. “I am He Qingshi.”
“Hehe… you’re He Qingshi…” She chuckled softly, shaking her head. “So you’re He Qingshi… Then do you know I like you? I like you so, so much…”
He Qingshi: “…”
She really was heavily drunk, talking nonsense.
He Qingshi didn’t want to talk to a drunk anymore, so he simply stayed silent, focusing on supporting her as they walked towards the apartment building entrance. She chattered incessantly, creating a constant noise.
The night was slightly cool, cicadas chirped noisily, and street lamps cast scattered starlight.
The two of them were pressed close together, body heat in contact. He Qingshi felt a wave of restless heat.
At this moment, his thoughts began to drift, further and further away. Unconsciously, he started to fantasize, all sorts of amorous notions sprouting like bamboo shoots after rain, breaking through the soil one after another. And uncontrollably, they grew wildly.
He sometimes despised himself for it. Men were always creatures driven by their baser instincts.
Reaching the ground floor entrance, He Qingshi stood outside the elevator door and pressed the up button.
The surroundings were quiet. The sound of the machine operating was especially clear and audible in the deep night, each sound distinct.
“Ding…” After a crisp sound, the elevator door opened.
An older woman walked out of the elevator, saw the two of them, and immediately showed a look of disdain on her face.
In the middle of the night, a man and a woman alone, the woman dead drunk—no wonder the old-fashioned woman looked down on them.
Carrying her into the elevator, He Qingshi asked, “Which floor?”
“What?” Huo Chuxue was completely out of it.
“What floor do you live on?”
“Eighth floor.”
He Qingshi looked up and pressed the number 8.
During this time, Huo Chuxue clung to him even tighter, still chattering away.
He Qingshi tried to straighten her up properly, but she couldn’t stand steadily at all, only burrowing into him.
He felt increasingly tormented.
As his thoughts wandered, the woman suddenly turned around and wrapped her arms around his waist. “He Qingshi, I really like you. Can I kiss you?”
He Qingshi: “…”
Before he could react, she had already buried her head against him.
The moment Huo Chuxue pressed against him, the soft sensation, carrying the mellow fragrance of sake, was dizzying.
He Qingshi’s whole body stiffened, not daring to move. Countless fireworks seemed to explode in his mind, dazzling and brilliant.
She pressed tightly against him. The sensation of those two mounds against his chest was real, softer than he expected, softer than cotton, and more elastic. They pressed firmly against his chest, leaving not a sliver of space.
The physical sensations were so honest, so pleasurable, that reason retreated step by step.
A fire was burning in his heart at that moment, the flames gradually growing stronger, scorching and unbearable, tormenting every limb and bone.
He Qingshi was about to be driven mad.
She was drunk. He didn’t want to take advantage of her situation, to take liberties with her.
But then he thought again, feeling his own idea was somewhat laughable. It seemed like it was always this girl who was acting shamelessly towards him, taking liberties with him.
As if possessed, following instinct, he tightened his grip on her waist, lowered his head, wanting to wantonly savor her sweetness.
Yet, as if playing a joke on him, the instigator in his arms had heartlessly fallen asleep.
He Qingshi: “…”
He secretly breathed a sigh of relief. He had almost completely fallen.
He crouched down and carried Huo Chuxue on his back.
She was light, not a burden to carry. But she wasn’t very settled, moving around on his back.
He fished the keys out of her bag and opened the door.
This was actually He Qingshi’s first time in Huo Chuxue’s home. A small bachelor apartment, not large in area, but quite tidy.
He helped the drunkard to the bedroom, took off her shoes, and got her onto the bed. Then he went to the fridge to look for honey to make her a cup of honey water to sober up.
As soon as he opened the fridge, a large jar of loquat can caught his eye. Transparent glass, large loquat pieces soaking in syrup, a bright yellow color. One look was enough to whet the appetite.
He Qingshi averted his gaze and continued looking for honey. He searched the entire fridge but couldn’t find any. Making honey water was out of the question.
He used a damp towel to wipe her face, then turned off the light and left.
After seeing Huo Chuxue home, when He Qingshi returned to his own place, the night was truly deep. The entire city was fast asleep.
Extricating himself from the lively environment and suddenly finding himself in this silent, soundless setting, he only felt a sense of loss.
In the still of the night, after the passion and dizziness faded, the feelings in one’s heart became even clearer.
The words he had accidentally overheard tonight still seemed to ring in his ears, each word distinct.
After changing his shoes, he shut himself in the study, not even wanting to change his clothes.
On one corner of the desk sat that copy of The Sound of Wind and Rain. This book had accompanied him for ten years. The cover was clean, the pages neat, still looking like new.
After Su Miao left, he had done everything she had liked in life. Reading this The Sound of Wind and Rain, tending to that loquat tree at Cenling Villa, planting those flowers and plants in the backyard. He had tried to keep her with him in this way. It seemed only by doing this could he feel she was still by his side.
For years, it had been like a long, unending dream. In truth, he had never been able to move on.
Seeing this book at this moment, He Qingshi suddenly snapped back to reality, regaining his senses.
Everything Huo Chuxue had said was right, every word of it. That night, he had almost nodded in agreement.
Towards the end of their conversation, he had said, “Give me some time to think it over properly.”
‘Think it over properly’ meant he hadn’t outright refused, meant there was still hope. He had given her hope. Because Huo Chuxue’s words had shaken him. He had almost nodded in agreement.
Now, seeing this book, his soul had returned.
Zhou Mo was absolutely right. If the two of them really got together, they would face great resistance. First of all, they wouldn’t get past Huo Chuxue’s parents. She might not care, but he couldn’t.
At his age, having experienced some storms and some of the warmth and coldness of human relationships, having gone through more, he couldn’t be as unreserved as she was. He would consider more. Weighing gains and losses, calculating a few times, he grew timid.
He Qingshi sat quietly in the study all night. In the latter half of the night, it began to rain again, a light drizzle pattering incessantly against the window.
Through a layer of glass, the outside world was blurred and indistinct, hard to see clearly. A few old trees swayed in the wind and rain, branches and leaves in disarray. Occasionally, a few withered leaves were blown off by the wind, falling to the ground.
That momentary impulse had almost made him fall in. But in the end, the demon in his heart was too powerful. He still couldn’t bring himself to let go. To this day, he couldn’t face the fact that he had transferred his affections to someone else, and even less could he face Su Miao.
Gui Shu hadn’t been wrong at all. He had been wrong from the very beginning. That day at Cenling Villa, when she had rushed in, he had not only let her stay for tea and a meal but had also allowed her to walk into his heart.
He was the one who was wrong!
He had sat for too long; his whole body was numb.
He struggled to his feet and stretched his limbs.
Turning around, he realized the sky was already light.
Another torturous, sleepless night!
Slowly, he took out his phone and typed out a text message, just three simple words—
I’m sorry.
Everyone must have encountered someone like this, who suddenly appears but cannot be held onto.
She walked through a wasteland, like spring, like new life, like a dream, and also like a flame.
Not long ago, for a fleeting moment, he had also thought about acting recklessly, casting everything aside, and allowing himself to be willful just once.
But in the end, he was still a coward.