After a few drizzling rains, Qingling entered autumn.
With the arrival of autumn, the temperature dropped, and the weather grew cooler day by day. By mid-October, people had gradually put on their autumn clothes.
Huo Chuxue remained as busy as ever, with outpatient clinics and surgeries filling her schedule completely.
Once a person becomes busy, they have no extra mental energy to think about other things. The person of He Qingshi was also gradually pushed to the back of her mind.
Although she occasionally still thought of him, it was nothing like the constant preoccupation she had felt before.
She had thought herself a person of enduring affection, capable of persisting for a long time, with enough patience and confidence to wait for this old ironwood tree, He Qingshi, to bloom. Little did she know, she had actually overestimated herself; she too was a rather cold and fickle person.
Time and again she drew close, time and again she cast aside a girl’s reserve, time and again she confessed her feelings, only to receive his cold, hard rejection. Each time, just when she thought there was the most hope, he would mercilessly deal her a heavy blow.
He said to give him time to think it over properly, so she gave him time; she would wait. But then this man turned around and ruthlessly rejected her, passing a death sentence on her hopes.
In the first few days, her heart felt as if pierced by a knife, agonized and tormented. She couldn’t understand why, when he clearly had feelings for her, he just didn’t dare to accept her. Could it be merely the fear of other people’s strange looks?
She could disregard it, so what did he have to fear? This man was so affected!
Baffled and unable to find an answer, her best friend Qiao Shengxi tried to console her: “He might have some feelings for you, but they aren’t deep enough, not enough for him to let go of his hang-ups, cast everything aside, and indulge in a reckless romance with you.”
Her words woke the dreamer!
After a period of heartache, she finally recognized that in this battle with He Qingshi, the outcome was destined to be her utter defeat. Even though in the process she had tried very hard, been very brave, fearless, and charged forward. She still couldn’t change the ending.
Because from the very beginning, she had already lost.
In love, whoever falls in love first loses. It was she who fell for him first, while he remained aloof, never entering the game, looking down on everything from the sidelines, letting her direct and act out her solo play, while he persistently turned a blind eye.
So she finally decided to give up on him.
What does it feel like to give up on someone you like?
“It’s like watching the house you’ve lived in for a long time burn down. You look at the wreckage and the ashes, you know it was your home, but you can’t go back anymore.”
Perhaps her fate with He Qingshi just wasn’t deep enough. They could only go this far, and could never take a step closer.
This feeling was the same as when she gave up on Zhou Mo all those years ago, though back then she was young and could still wail loudly, mourning her crush that ended before it even began.
But now, having reached a certain age, she couldn’t even cry. Even though her heart ached unbearably, pierced with pain, she couldn’t squeeze out a single tear.
Perhaps this was the price of growing up; we no longer even have the right to have a good, unrestrained cry.
After this sudden realization, Huo Chuxue went about her business as usual. She no longer found excuses to hover around He Qingshi. With the freed-up time, she did things she wanted to do. It was indescribably carefree and happy!
When Qiao Shengxi found out, she practically wanted to throw her head back and laugh heartily. She no longer had to worry about Chef Huo coming after her with a kitchen cleaver.
By the end of October, autumn in Qingling was at its peak, the entire city slowly brushed with a layer of gold.
On the street Huo Chuxue often took to work, the phoenix trees lining the road gradually turned yellow. The trumpet creepers on the white walls on either side were nowhere to be seen, leaving only their tangled vines.
The trumpet creepers, lively for so long, had finally taken their final bow.
Just like how, after making such a fuss around He Qingshi for so long, she had finally left.
Each autumn rain brings more chill; the alternation of cold and heat makes one most susceptible to catching a cold.
Recently, influenza was running rampant, and the infusion room was packed every day.
As a doctor, Huo Chuxue considered herself fairly knowledgeable, yet she unfortunately fell victim to it.
The night before, things happened suddenly. She performed three cesarean section surgeries in a row. It took several hours, and by the time she stepped off the operating table, her legs were weak. She was utterly exhausted, without even the strength to speak.
A cesarean section might seem simple—incision, pressing the uterus, delivering the baby—but each step was physical labor, most draining on a doctor’s stamina.
Over the years of practicing medicine, she had experienced countless surgeries, big and small. Some were very easy, naturally, and some were highly difficult. She often stood continuously on the operating table for several hours, working shifts for over thirty hours at a stretch was a common occurrence.
Last night, after finishing the surgery, she was terribly tired and just wanted to sleep. She didn’t even have time to change out of her surgical gown. Outside the operating room, leaning against the wall, she fell asleep in an instant.
She slept curled up, without covering herself with a blanket. After waking up, she finally changed out of the surgical gown and went to the rest room to continue sleeping.
The next morning, she discovered her nose was completely blocked, her speech heavily nasal, and her throat somewhat sore.
With the above symptoms, it was naturally a cold. How fragile she was!
During the morning departmental rounds. Hearing her such a thick nasal voice, Fang Ru couldn’t help but frown, “Caught a cold?”
“Mn, I caught a chill last night.” She sniffled, feeling miserable.
“After rounds, hurry to the pharmacy to get some medicine. The flu is rampant lately, don’t let it get worse.” Fang Ru instructed.
“Understood, Auntie.”
——
After rounds, Huo Chuxue was urged by Fang Ru to go to the pharmacy for medicine.
Nine in the morning, right during the hospital’s morning rush hour, the outpatient hall was crowded with a mass of people.
A long line of people waited in front of the pharmacy window to pick up their medicine.
Huo Chuxue was pressed for time; she still had to start her outpatient clinic soon.
She greeted a colleague at the pharmacy and got her medicine right away.
After getting the medicine, she hurried towards the obstetrics outpatient building, passing by the infusion room. For some reason, she suddenly glanced inside.
It was just that one glance, and a familiar face unexpectedly crashed into her view.
He Qingshi wore a dark gray long trench coat, his features handsome, his posture tall and straight, holding a stack of documents in his hand.
The two of them faced each other from a distance, with a constant stream of people passing between them, and all sorts of noise in their ears.
This was the first time Huo Chuxue had seen him in three months.
The city was only so big. From the scorching summer to the cool late autumn, a full three months, she actually hadn’t run into him even once. This person had truly and completely vanished from her life.
Now, seeing him again, she only felt dazed. Her heart felt as if someone had pried open a crack; although it had already scabbed over, it could still pull out threads of pain.
Did she still like him?
It seemed there was still a bit, but more than that, it was unwillingness.
Yes, just unwillingness!
Since childhood, her luck had always been pretty good. She had never taken such a big fall before.
A piercing ringtone pulled Huo Chuxue back to reality.
She took out her phone and answered.
“Hello, Lin Yao?”
“Doctor Huo, where are you? The outpatient clinic is about to start, where are you?”
“I went to the pharmacy to get some medicine, I’ll be right back.”
After hanging up Lin Yao’s call, she put away her phone, turned, and left.
She thought that after such a brief encounter with He Qingshi, they wouldn’t meet again. Who would have thought that two days later, she saw him again at the hospital entrance.
That day, Huo Chuxue had just gotten off work and was planning to go home.
Slanting rain fell softly, the sky was dim. The air was thick with heavy moisture, damp and wet.
He was thin and slight, holding a black long-handled umbrella, his whole person emanating a clear chill.
“Doctor Huo!”
As they passed each other, a hoarse, low male voice suddenly rang out, like a clap of thunder crashing heavily onto her heart.
His cold wasn’t better yet, his voice rough and grating, sounding particularly muffled, very much like the drawn-out bell toll from an ancient temple.
Her heart trembled, her steps halted. She raised her eyes to look at him, her gaze bewildered, “What is it?”
He Qingshi gripped the umbrella handle tightly, as if using all his strength, “Let me walk you to the parking lot.”
Huo Chuxue looked up at the sparse raindrops, trying her utmost to steady her voice, “The rain isn’t heavy, no need to trouble Mr. He.”
Having said that, she lowered her head and rushed into the misty rain.
She ran urgently, as if someone were chasing her from behind, her clothes filled with the cold wind, the hem fluttering rustlingly.
That slender, delicate figure was like a faint silhouette; a gust of wind seemed capable of snapping it in two.
The rain pattered down, constantly striking the umbrella surface, making crisp sounds.
He clenched the umbrella handle, and only after a long time did he withdraw his gaze.
Another two days passed. It was Lin Yao’s birthday, and she invited the department colleagues for a meal. This girl and her rich second-generation boyfriend really threw some serious “dog food” in front of everyone, it was truly heart-wrenching!
A large group ate at Xizi Renjia, making quite a ruckus.
Huo Chuxue had been suffering from a cold lately, and her mood was affected. More importantly, encountering He Qingshi made her even more unsettled, irritable, and anxious.
She had thought she had long since seen things clearly, that she didn’t care anymore, but she didn’t expect to still be so easily influenced by him.
She couldn’t stand the noisy atmosphere in the private room and went out alone for some air.
The night was cold, the chill seeping in everywhere. Coupled with the rainy day, it added to the coldness.
The light from the searchlight shone from afar onto the loquat tree, its leaves yellowing, no longer possessing the vitality of spring.
She stood for a while, clearing her head, and was about to go back when she suddenly heard footsteps behind her. The sound of leather shoes on the floor was exceptionally familiar.
Turning around, she bumped right into the person coming.
“Doctor Huo?” He Qingshi looked surprised, a trace of delight instantly flitting through his eyes, something he himself hadn’t even noticed.
“Mn.” Huo Chuxue nodded, then stepped forward to leave, clean and decisive, without the slightest hesitation.
She actually didn’t want to say another word to him. She was truly living up to “meet as strangers, act as passersby”—she meant what she said!
After his heartless rejection, she had gone to find him. The two had had a hysterical confrontation.
With tears in her eyes, she had asked him: “He Qingshi, are you really decided? If you’ve made up your mind, from now on when we meet, we meet as strangers, act as passersby.”
——
The large group made a ruckus for several hours and still weren’t satisfied, insisting on going to KTV to sing.
Huo Chuxue’s cold hadn’t improved for a long time, her throat hurt terribly, so naturally she couldn’t sing. She left early with Qiao Shengxi.
She was preoccupied, and Qiao Shengxi saw it.
“Xiaoxue, what’s wrong? You’ve been absent-minded all evening.”
“Nothing, just a bit tired.”
Her mood was depressed, her energy exhausted.
Passing by that Japanese restaurant, Huo Chuxue said to Qiao Shengxi, “Xixi, you drive my car back.”
Qiao Shengxi quickly called out to her, “Where are you going?”
Huo Chuxue raised her hand and pointed at the signboard, “Going in to sit for a bit.”
Qiao Shengxi was worried, “It’s so late, what are you going to sit for? Hurry up and go home.”
Huo Chuxue couldn’t help but laugh, “It’s only a little past ten, still early. I’ll sit for a while and then go back, don’t worry.”
Having come here so many times, this was the first time Huo Chuxue noticed the name of this shop.
“Love”, simple and clear.
Pushing the door open and entering, the shop had many customers. Huo Chuxue didn’t see an empty table.
Just as she was about to leave, she heard someone say, “Doctor Huo, would you mind sharing a table with me?”