Chapter 26
Artius rushed to Elonia’s room with a pace that was neither fast nor slow, but anxious.
And as soon as he entered the room, he was shocked.
Although he had been to the Princess Palace several times, he had only visited Elonia’s study room, so even though she was his daughter, it was his first time entering Elonia’s bedroom.
Elonia’s room didn’t look like a child’s room.
The bookshelves were filled with books that only adults would read, and there was not a single toy or doll to be found.
The bedding and furniture were not of designs that children would like, but were plain.
But what was even more shocking was Elonia, who was sprawled out limply like a wet cotton ball, buried in the large bed.
‘No.’
Something inside Artius spoke again.
‘…What?’
Artius asked himself.
It had happened before.
On the day Elonia had nearly died for the first time.
The day when the nightmare of losing both Philemia and Cheron at the same time had turned into a nightmare of losing Philemia, Cheron, and Elonia all at once.
He felt something was wrong then too, but why?
Artius’s gaze couldn’t leave Elonia.
He didn’t even know what kind of face he was looking at Elonia with right now.
When he came to his senses, Artius had already approached Elonia’s bedside.
“It seems she collapsed from overexerting herself these past few days. It’s a simple cold, so I prepared medicine, but Her Highness absolutely refuses to rest—”
Chloe reported to Artius, who came in and said nothing, while carefully observing his reaction.
Upon hearing that report, Artius’s heart stirred even more.
‘Why?’
Even if it was a punishment, there was no way the princess wouldn’t see through the pretense.
A clever child like the princess would easily see through Artius’s intentions.
And if that child herself wanted to, she could use all sorts of tricks.
Because now, everyone in the Princess Palace was on Elonia’s side.
But why?
“…Please don’t be angry with the princess. Children’s immune systems are much weaker than adults’. Until the princess fully recovers, please—”
“Can she recover?”
“Pardon?”
“I asked if she can recover. The princess is the empress’s daughter. If, by any chance, the princess also has a sickly constitution like the empress and doesn’t recover, if she loses her life to a mere illness…”
Artius’s voice gradually grew louder and trembled slightly at the same time.
At first, the palace people couldn’t understand what this crazy emperor was saying.
Could it be that he was wishing for that pitiful and frail princess not to recover? They thought for a moment, then everyone was at a loss for words upon seeing Artius’s expression.
For the first time, his face looked like the father of a child.
Even in the eyes of those who had inwardly thought Artius had no qualifications as a parent, he looked like Elonia’s dad, not a mad tyrant.
Tears weren’t flowing, but his eyes were crying.
His eyes were filled with fear.
Chloe was startled and widened her eyes for a moment, then calmly answered,
“Yes. If she takes the medicine well and rests, she will recover soon. The princess has a healthy constitution to begin with.”
Artius looked like he wasn’t even in the right mind to answer.
His violet eyes were still only directed at Elonia.
With Chloe’s answer, it finally became clear.
Artius was now afraid for the first time that something might go wrong with Elonia.
It wasn’t the first or second time Elonia had faced a life-threatening situation.
But it was the first time Elonia had fallen ill because of him.
No, he immediately dismissed that arrogant thought.
‘It’s not the first time.’
Artius recalled a memory that had now become a reminiscence.
“I’m fine, Artius. I said I’m not in pain.”
“It’s not just physical pain that hurts. Emotional pain also hurts.”
It was something Artius had once said to the sickly Philemia, trying to be her strength.
But like a fool, he had forgotten his own words and judged that Elonia had never been in pain because her body had been healthy all this time.
Elonia must have already been hurt countless times by his words and actions.
How foolish.
Artius took in the sight of Elonia’s face, suffering from fever and looking miserable.
Elonia’s eyes were swollen.
‘The child who never cried even once despite how harshly I treated her, except when she was born…’
…No. Was that really the case?
Artius’s gaze fell on the princess’s desk.
On the parchment densely filled with writing, there were tearstains.
It wasn’t a large amount.
But it was clear that she had cried.
‘As expected, there’s no way she wouldn’t have cried…’
Artius had treated Elonia cruelly.
No, that was too mild a word.
Artius was a traumatic existence for Elonia.
Elonia must have thought she was being abused.
‘And what do I know about this child to make such assertions?’
The time Artius had spent with Elonia was extremely limited.
So naturally, Artius didn’t know whether Elonia had cried or not.
When it came to Elonia, it was only natural that the maids of the Princess Palace who had always been with Elonia would know far better than himself, an irresponsible and unqualified father.
He couldn’t dare ask the palace people if Elonia had cried.
If he had any shame, he couldn’t do that.
‘What right do I have…’
She calls the Duchess of Asta auntie while calling him an idiot.
She gives him contemptuous looks while showering Sarah with compliments.
‘Where did I… Where did I go crazy from?’
Once he realized it, being forcibly pulled out of the swamp of the past and returning to reality was instantaneous.
Artius now had to acknowledge the fact he had denied for so long.
‘From the beginning, I was the problem.’
It was a problem that arose because he was too weak and pathetic to face reality, because he was lacking in becoming a child’s father.
It wasn’t only with Philemia that a loved one had died in childbirth.
Artius’s mother had also died giving birth to his younger sister.
Did Artius hate his younger sister then too?
‘No… Not at all, not at all. I was grateful that at least she survived.’
In the end, even his sister died of illness before turning one, but still, when that child was born, he was grateful that at least his sister was alive.
But why had he treated his own daughter so cruelly?
He had tried to become a father without being mentally prepared.
He had no choice but to have a child out of concern for Philemia, who would be left alone if he died in the war.
No matter how much Philemia wanted a child, he shouldn’t have tried to become a parent with that mindset.
‘Crazy bastard. I was really out of my mind.’
Artius couldn’t move a single step from that spot even after all the palace people had left the room.
The price of turning a blind eye to his own foolishness for 4 years was too great.
* * *
Contrary to the palace physician’s words that she would recover soon, Elonia couldn’t get out of bed.
It wasn’t that the medicine had no effect.
After resting for a day, her fever had gone down, but Elonia didn’t open her eyes as if refusing to wake up.
Artius didn’t leave Elonia’s room since that day.
‘It seems he’s deeply regretting it now.’
Everyone in the Princess Palace unanimously wished for Artius to suffer.
They wished he would suffer for as long as Elonia had been unable to grow up as a child, no, much longer than that.
And as they wished, no, more than they had wished for, Artius crumbled.
In the dark room where only Elonia’s faint, nearly inaudible breathing could be heard, Artius knelt by Elonia’s bedside again today, swallowing his silent cries.
The words the Duchess of Asta had left behind came to mind.
“Your Majesty. Please don’t forget. Just because she’s young doesn’t mean she doesn’t know how she’s treated, and just because she’s grown up doesn’t mean she forgets what happened when she was young.”
Artius hoped Elonia would live a long life, even if she resented him.
Yet at the same time he hoped Elonia would wake up soon, he was afraid of how Elonia would look at him when she woke up.
Artius had always lived a life of having the things he loved taken away.
His mother, who had passed away in childbirth.
His younger sister and father, who had left this world due to illness.
Having had everything he cherished taken away slowly and surely, Artius was afraid to create new precious things.
The one he had the courage to love again was Philemia.
“I won’t die, Artius.”
She was someone he couldn’t help but love.
Philemia gave Artius confidence and love.
Having learned a lot from Philemia, Artius even gained the composure to sympathize with the princess of an enemy nation and came to regard her as a bitter friend.
Perhaps if she had been born in Ravanta, they might have become close friends, but when he returned after beheading that princess, this time, the empress was dead.
The world was still cruel.
The world took away everything Artius loved and cherished when he let his guard down.
So he didn’t want to make Elonia something precious.
If Elonia became a child more precious than his own life to Artius, would she not leave him at any moment? Artius was quietly consumed by that anxiety.
It may sound like an excuse, but he was truly afraid.
But there was a time when that fear disappeared for a moment.
It was when Elonia was clumsily learning to speak.
‘Who could not love this child?’
He wanted to hold the child in his arms right away and thank her for surviving.
But Artius must not love her.
The moment Artius loved the child, she would disappear at any time, so Artius desperately repeated harsh words and actions, even manipulating his subconscious.
‘I didn’t care if she hated me.’
It hurt whenever Elonia looked at him with eyes full of hatred, but it was still okay.
To Artius, the future of losing Elonia was more frightening than the present of being hated by Elonia.
As long as she was alive, even if far away from him.
He thought if the child resented him, she would survive for a long time, even if it was to take revenge on him.
“…Elonia.”
Artius dared to utter his daughter’s name.
For the first time in 4 years since the child was born, he called his daughter by her name.
“…Elon. My beloved oak tree. Elonia Ainar Ravanta.”
Clearly, it was the name he had announced to the world when the child was born, but why did it feel so unfamiliar?
The child’s name was filled with memories Artius had cherished.
It was the day when Philemia became pregnant and wanted to decide the child’s name in advance.
“Artius. I think Elonia would be a good name for the child.”
“But there’s no guarantee it will be a girl. Thinking of a boy’s name too…”
“No. This child will definitely be a girl. That’s what my intuition said!”
Philemia didn’t say things without reason.
Thus, the child’s name was decided as Elonia.
The meaning was oak tree and a child who is loved.
“I hope this child will be loved by everyone.”
“She will be. This child will be the most loved and happy child in the world.”
“…I hope so.”
Philemia smiled after a slight pause.
Thinking about it now, it seemed she already knew she would die in childbirth.
As Philemia had said, the child born was a girl.
The more he looked back on old memories, the more Artius couldn’t forgive himself.
Seeing the child barely clinging to life with faint breaths despite her fever having gone down, he now regretted it.
If he could, he wanted to tear apart and kill his past self.
No, he hated his current self so much that he wanted to get rid of it too.
Artius finally couldn’t control his emotions and sobbed.
“…Elon. Elonia. I dared to treat you recklessly. I, I shouldn’t have dared to do that…”
“…”
“You, whom Philemia barely managed to save before leaving… I didn’t cherish you despite my own insignificance.”
“…”
“It’s all too late now… You may not want my apology, but I… I was truly foolish.”
Of course, Elonia didn’t respond to his repentance.
The silence in the room had never been so frightening.
Artius’s younger sister had also said she would recover soon, but she had died in her sleep in vain.
Philemia had also said she would wait for him alive, but she had left like a lie.
He was afraid his daughter’s breath would stop at any moment.
Before he knew it, tears were falling incessantly from Artius’s eyes.
“With my dullness, I hurt you endlessly, Elonia.”
Eventually, Artius’s face contorted and he began to cry messily.
Thick teardrops fell down his sharp chin and soaked the bed sheet.
“If I hated you and you resented me, it felt like you wouldn’t die. No, it’s an excuse. These kinds of things are all excuses created by my own inadequacy, utterly useless excuses. I, I was completely wrong, Elon. You don’t have to treat me as your father. You don’t have to succeed the throne. Because you are more important than Ravanta. So please, please don’t leave my side…!”
The words, soaked in tears, flowed out with the pain of his heart being squeezed.
That’s when it happened.
Elonia’s eyes slowly opened.
“…!”
Artius lifted his head in surprise.
Elonia slightly turned her head towards Artius, who had collapsed next to her, and opened her mouth with the same violet eyes as him.
“No.”