Chapter 23
-Don’t Eat That, Give it to the Police
The butcher shop was larger than I expected. I followed the owner along a winding path, like a sausage. A savory, salty aroma wafted from the bundles of dried meat hanging from the ceiling. I was delighted by the sensitivity of my new nostrils.
“Doll, are you sure you’re in the right place?”
The beautiful woman, who had been silently following the owner, spoke. Her posture, facing forward without looking at me, was elegant. Her clicking footsteps suited her cool, aloof image.
Perfect! To handle the prickly Young Master Lupin, you needed this level of composure. As expected of my future mistress(?).
“My name is Estella. I’m just following the young lady, so there’s no right or wrong place for me!”
“I see.”
Her response was indifferent. But I was undeterred.
“Are you single, by any chance? Are you betrothed? Are you interested in a wealthy man?”
“What business is that of yours?”
Her natural condescension made me smile. Yes, this beauty was definitely a noble. If she were of low status, there would be many obstacles to a marriage with the young master. Fortunately, she seemed to be of high standing.
“I wanted to ask if you’re interested in marriage!”
The beautiful woman looked at me quizzically. Right, I hadn’t introduced our young master yet.
“How about our young master as a potential groom? He’s very handsome and wealthy. If you marry him now, you’ll also get a capable maid named Estella. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”
Just as I was about to launch into my sales pitch, the butcher stopped. A rusty iron door blocked our path. The area around the door was dimly lit by a couple of flickering lamps.
“From here on, you must keep our secrets.”
The owner said, wiggling his eyebrows. The young lady, arms crossed, replied casually, “Alright.” The owner’s gaze shifted to me. I smiled brightly.
“I’m more discreet than I look!”
“Ahem.”
I could sense his skepticism, but I didn’t care. Whether he was selling mystical pork stew or dark monster meat candy, I had to report everything to the young master. I couldn’t just tell him and then add, “And Head Butler Godora too, for the year-end settlement,” could I?
“Then I’ll trust you and show you. You’re all aware of the monsters rampaging across the continent, right?”
“Monsters?”
I tilted my head. It was the first time I had heard of this.
“Monsters? I’ve never seen any.”
“Haha, you’re quite naive, young lady. Completely sheltered from the world. The countryside is crawling with monsters. They possess incredible vitality. The paladins are desperately trying to capture them, all to use them for medicinal purposes.”
The owner said dramatically as he unlocked the iron door with a clang.
Monsters swarming the countryside, paladins… Could it be?
“Zombies?”
“Some people call them that.”
The owner led us through the dark doorway. The iron door slammed shut behind us.
“Groooan.”
A couple of zombies, their limbs bound, groaned at the sight of us. I was startled, but I was more worried about the young lady. Seeing zombies in a butcher shop wasn’t a pleasant experience.
“Hmm. You said you sell meat, are you harvesting it on-site?”
“Of course, of course. We strive to serve our customers the freshest products.”
It was a ridiculous scene. Zombies! Moving corpses couldn’t be fresh. Did he think zombies were some kind of fermented food?
“Zombie meat, you see, is an ingredient for a powerful elixir that can even raise the dead! It’s the staple food of dragons, a dwarven aphrodisiac, and an elixir of growth for elves!”
There was no way corpse fragments could have such mystical effects. This man was clearly a con artist.
“Mmm~ fascinating. To think such rumors about zombies are spreading.”
The naive young lady seemed oblivious to the absurdity of the situation. As the assistant to the special zombie investigator, I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing. Ordinary people might start eating zombies, thinking they were fermented food!
“Hey!”
As I instinctively clenched my fist, the young lady grabbed my wrist firmly.
“Wait. I still have some questions.”
Her slight smile made me freeze. I felt a bit like I did when I first met Knight Commander Edna.
“I like it. I’ll buy it. Give me a fresh chunk.”
“Certainly! Right away!”
The beautiful woman stopped the owner, who was doing a celebratory jig.
“But cut it from the zombies tied up over there.”
“W-what?”
The owner, and even the zombies, seemed to hesitate. I had fought them several times, and I knew that zombies didn’t understand human language. They only groaned.
Come to think of it, the zombies tied up there looked strange. They seemed bewildered, stopping their groaning and glancing at each other.
“Actually, I think I’ll harvest it myself.”
The beautiful woman stepped forward and pulled a small dagger from her pocket. The dagger in her hand shimmered silver and transformed into a long carving knife.
She was a mage, not an ordinary noblewoman.
“W-wait a minute! You can’t eat zombie meat raw! It’s poisonous! Highly poisonous!”
The pale-faced owner blocked the zombies.
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
Even the zombies, who had only been groaning, seemed to be getting nervous, struggling against their restraints. At this point, anyone who wasn’t a fool would realize that these zombies were fake.
The beautiful woman, without giving anyone a chance to stop her, brandished her knife. At this rate, not only the fake zombies but also the owner would end up as meat. As a doll, I was the only one who could step in and protect the three frightened individuals.
“Miss, calm down! Calm down! Those are real people!”
I clung to her back. Both the zombies and the owner waved their hands frantically, trembling in fear.
“Th-that’s right! We’re human! Please calm down!”
The young lady’s knife, which had been slicing through the air, stopped. We all let out a sigh of relief. Then, she turned around, grabbed my hand, and asked,
“What about you?”
“Huh?”
“Are you human?”
“No, as you can see, I’m a magic doll. I’m very sophisticated, so I look like a human, but I’m definitely a doll. I even have the creator’s signature on my back. Want to see it later?”
“I see, you didn’t lie to me.”
She pointed her gleaming knife in the other direction.
“But they did. I must punish con artists.”
“What?”
She was about to swing her knife again. I desperately clung to her arm, trying to stop her. It would have been easier if I could just lift her up, but she was taller than me. Besides, the young master had warned me not to lift people up.
‘If I could just carry her away, this would be over quickly!’
Just as I was worried that I might break her shoulder, the owner, his arm trembling, offered her a bundle of meat.
“P-please accept this meat! Here, take it! Please accept this and calm your anger!”
The bag he threw landed in her hand. She lifted and lowered it a few times, as if gauging its weight. As she opened the bag to check its contents, I peeked inside as well. I couldn’t tell if the meat was from zombies or ordinary livestock.
“Take this and leave! Quickly!”
As the terrified owner urged her, she sheathed her knife. Then, she grabbed my hand and smiled sweetly.
“Let’s go.”
“H-huh?”
As she led me away, still holding my hand, I heard a furious voice from behind us.
“You, tin can! I’ll remember you!”
Even as we retraced our steps through the winding path and out of the shop, the beautiful woman kept holding my hand. In her other hand, she clutched the bag of meat tightly.
‘Wow, she’s really strange.’
Why were all the beautiful people so strange? Was it impossible to find a normal future Countess?
As I pondered this, she spoke to me.
“So, what were you saying earlier? About marriage?”
“Oh? Yes… marriage… right.”
Come to think of it, the young master was soft-hearted, demure, and quiet. Perhaps he needed someone aggressive and assertive to balance him out.
I decided to ask her one more time. It wouldn’t hurt, would it? Although I secretly hoped she would refuse…
“Miss, are you single, by any chance? If so, are you interested in marriage? I know a good candidate…”
Instead of a proper answer, the bag of meat was shoved in front of my face.
“Do you know what kind of meat this is?”
“How would I know?”
“Look closely.”
“Even if I look, I won’t know…”
I cautiously opened the bag with my index finger and peeked inside. The meat looked like ordinary meat.
Huh? Ordinary meat?
“It’s definitely not zombie meat. There’s no sign of decay, and it just smells of spices, nothing unusual.”
“So, what do you think this means?”
“That the man you were about to stab is a complete fraud?”
“Hmm, that’s part of it, but there’s something even more interesting.”
We were almost back at the entrance. I was excitedly thinking about how to cook the meat she had given me, when a voice that made my heart sink called out,
“Estella.”
My body froze like a porcelain doll before quickly coming back to life. The mana flowing through me instead of blood reminded me who my master was.
The young master, arms crossed, was standing at the entrance of the shop like a grim reaper. How did he even know where I was?
“Y-Young Master!”
Even though I hadn’t done anything wrong, I cowered in fear. He looked like he was about to scold me!
As expected, he said coldly,
“Who is this woman, and why are you holding hands?”
Oops. I was still holding hands with the knife-wielding beauty. I tried to pull my hand away, but she held on tighter.
The beautiful woman greeted the young master with a gentle smile.
“Me? My name is Baba. I’m this doll’s fiancée. Pleased to meet you.”
The young master glared at me, gritting his teeth. The beautiful woman still hadn’t let go of my hand.
Miss! Marry him, not me!