7. I’ve Come of Age
When Jule turned five, he was separated from Okaasama and began his education under Father’s direct supervision.
He had always been interested whenever I was studying, so before Father took him away, I had already taught him myself—reading stories aloud, writing simple characters, numbers, and basic addition. Perhaps he has a natural aptitude for his studies, as it doesn’t seem to be too difficult for him.
Seven years passed. I celebrated my seventeenth birthday and came of age. Jule, whose birthday is slightly earlier than mine, is now twelve and has grown quite mature. While his cheeks are still adorably plump, he calls me “Elder Sister” and is impeccably polite. At this rate, he will be anything but an embarrassment at his first ball.
In the end, I never exchanged a single letter with Lord Hugues, but I still remember what a perfect gentleman that beautiful boy was. I’m sure Jule, too, will be seen as a special boy, one that girls will remember for a long time.
(My own societal debut is fast approaching… I’ve worked so hard precisely because I’m not attractive, but I wonder, will I ever find a husband?)
As I approached marriageable age, reasoning that since I was already unattractive, I couldn’t afford to be anything else, I took up activities like horse riding. If I were to gain weight, I would be even more of a lost cause.
Ever since she came to this house, Okaasama has never once failed to tell me that I am unattractive. And I don’t deny it. But she never specified what about me was unattractive, and thanks to that, I was able to continue loving the hair and eyes I inherited from my real mother.
I haven’t seen my father’s face in a very long time. Between Jule’s education, managing the domain, expanding his business ventures, and holding a government post at the palace, I imagine he must be dizzyingly busy. Fortunately, he isn’t the kind of father to demand the same of Jule, which is a relief, though he has started taking Jule with him on his domain inspections.
As far as Father is concerned, he probably wants me out of the house as soon as possible. And yet, for some reason… though marriage proposals should be arriving as a girl nears adulthood… not a single one has come for me.
I’ll have to find someone at a ball. My birthday falls near the end of spring, and it’s been decided that my debut will be at a party held at the royal palace. My very first appearance will be on the grandest stage of all.
I worry if an unattractive girl like me will be alright, but then again, I feel it might be better to get lost in the crowd at a large party than to be scrutinized and laughed at by a smaller group of people.
Normally, I would require my father’s escort, but that is a hopeless wish. It would be just as strange for my mother to escort her own daughter.
Jule is still too young. In the end, I must step into the world of high society all by myself.
When I think of it that way, a party at the royal palace with so many people doesn’t seem so bad. Or rather, I have to think that way just to get through it. I can’t change the fact that I’m unattractive, but surely I won’t become the laughingstock of the entire hall. It’s a big venue. There will be a lot of people.
I am confident in my etiquette, my dancing, and my conversation skills. Yes, just like at that first party, I need to find someone who will see my inner self.
It’s a foolish hope, I know… but I wish that a handsome man might fall for me, perhaps to make up for my lack of beauty. It truly is asking for the moon. But if he were the type to be ashamed to walk by my side, our marriage would never work out anyway.
In any case, someone who will see my inner self. I set that as my absolute minimum standard and tried not to think about the details beyond that.
Because if I did, the person who always came to mind in the end… was a grown-up Lord Hugues.