19. Am I Truly That Ugly?
My bridal training progressed smoothly.
Once we are married, Hugues will become the Duke Felix. To prepare for that, my mother-in-law began taking me with her to social gatherings.
The duties of a duchess are to oversee the household finances and manage the servants, as well as to converse and build connections in high society.
There were times I had to speak with foreign dignitaries, but it seems the education I received—spurred on by the praise for my cleverness since I was a child—was of a considerably high standard. My mother-in-law was surprised, but she praised me for it.
Occasionally, I had time to spend alone with Hugues. We are engaged, and I feel a sense of security and affection in the time I spend with him. It is only when I am with Hugues that I can truly relax.
And yet, when he compliments my appearance, I never know how to respond. If I were to tell him that I am bound by the words my stepmother repeated to me for years—that I am unattractive—he might very well storm my family’s home.
This is my problem. I will solve it, and then I will tell Hugues.
Therefore, on the day my bridal training was deemed complete and our wedding date was set, I was granted permission to return to the count’s estate for one day.
It was to report the news of my marriage.
The two families would, of course, discuss the specifics later, but when I asked if I could be the one to report it first, my request was readily granted.
My father-in-law, my mother-in-law, and Hugues are all truly good people. The thought that I will be building a new family here fills my chest with emotion.
That is why, before that, I must face my problem… I must gather my courage and ask my stepmother.
…
As I was finishing my light packing for the overnight stay, Hugues came to visit.
We sat side-by-side on the sofa, and he took my hand.
“Sheryl. I know that you are… protecting… some kind of problem. We are going to be husband and wife. Are you willing to tell me about this problem?”
I was at a loss for words. To think that he knew, and that he had been so kind to me, protecting me all this time. That he had been waiting for me, even with my secret.
Whatever answer my stepmother gives me, once I have my courage, I will tell Hugues everything.
“Of course, Hugues. Just wait a little longer. I promise, I will tell you everything.”
At my tearful words, Hugues pressed his lips to my forehead. Then he pulled me into his embrace. It was so warm. The arms that would protect me were right here.
…
The next day, I returned to the Muzel estate. A few months must have passed. The house was unchanged, and it felt a little nostalgic.
“Sheryl. Welcome home.”
“Welcome home, Elder Sister.”
I was greeted by my stepmother and Jule, and I entered the house with a smile.
First, we caught up on each other’s lives. I was surprised to hear that Father had started taking breakfast and dinner with them, and had even begun accompanying my stepmother to social events. I, in turn, told them about my bridal training at the ducal estate.
And then, dinner. Father was really there. I believe this was the first time the four of us had ever had dinner together.
I had sent a letter ahead, but I formally announced my marriage again. Father’s eyes welled up with tears, and Jule and my stepmother, their own faces on the verge of tears, congratulated me.
It was a happy dinner. Father was still a man of few words, but he smiled from time to time, which put me at ease. This family would be alright now.
…
That night, before I went to bed, I visited my stepmother’s room.
“What is it, Sheryl?”
“Mother, I… there is something I have needed to ask you for a very long time.”
Sensing my unusual gravity, my stepmother patted the spot next to her on the bed, and we sat facing each other.
I wondered what it must have been like, to become the stepmother to a four-year-old girl at only nineteen. If asked if I could do the same, I know I absolutely could not.
My stepmother, who had poured her affection onto Jule and me, all while being treated with such indifference by my father.
This might be a forbidden topic. But still… I cannot move forward without asking this.
“Am I… truly that… ugly?”
I had asked it countless times in my heart. Mother, Mother, am I truly that unattractive?
“Sheryl, you are truly beautiful. I am so sorry. For so long… I have made you suffer. Don’t forgive me. You can blame me forever. You don’t have to trust me. But from the very first moment I met you, you were like an angel… and now, you are as beautiful as a goddess.”
That was my stepmother’s answer. I couldn’t bring myself to ask for the reason, but I didn’t need anything more.
I threw my arms around my stepmother and cried like a child.
The curse on my heart was not yet completely broken.
But the beautiful person in the black dress with red accents, that beautiful person, had called me pretty, had called me beautiful.
I cried and cried, and all the while, my stepmother stroked my back, murmuring, “My sweet Sherrie.”