Chapter 26:
Early morning.
-Thud
-Crash
I’m screwed.
There were three things the Demon King enjoyed observing with a satisfied smile: her sunbathing paper crane, my character diligently digging king potatoes, and her prized blue porcelain vase.
She had been nagging me to polish it every chance she got.
<Oh my, why are you trembling? It’s alright. Just put your head where the vase was. I have no more use for you. Goodbye.>
Bang!
No way!
‘I have to fix it before she notices!’
But how…
There was no way. I had no glue, and even if I did, I lacked the skills to repair a shattered vase.
-Hum hum~ Hum hum~
The Demon King was humming to herself, rummaging through something in the storage room. I had to fix it before she came out.
‘How…’
But no matter how hard I thought, I couldn’t come up with a solution.
…
‘Damn it! There’s no other way.’
-Dash!
I sprinted towards the entrance of the Demon King’s castle. There was a red string acting as a warning sensor. If intruders touched it, a loud alarm would blare throughout the castle.
-Press!
Ding-dong ditch. A classic childhood prank. I gently nudged the string with my toe.
-Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!
-Scamper!
As expected, the siren wailed. I quickly retreated inside before I could be caught on the Demon King’s surveillance screen.
‘Please… Please let me be unseen!!!’
Now came the crucial part. Time to act.
“… Huh!? What happened!”
The Demon King, who had been searching for Baek Dongha torture devices in the storage room, rushed out in alarm. She saw the shattered remains of the vase and me lying next to it, covered in dirt.
She rushed over and cradled my head in her lap.
“What happened!? Wake up…”
“… Ugh…”
-Slump
My closed eyes fluttered, and I pretended to lose consciousness.
My current persona was a man who had bravely fought off an intruder to protect the vase but was ultimately knocked unconscious. I had rolled around in the Demon King’s cabbage patch to get the dirt on my clothes.
“… Hey! Wake up!”
“…”
“This won’t do. I need to use Mjolnir Hammer’s electric shock…”
-Bzzzt!
“No! I’m awake! I’m awake!!! Put that damn hammer away!”
I almost became a human barbecue.
“… But… what happened here…?”
After confirming my safety, the Demon King’s gaze fell upon the shattered vase.
Baek Dongha, don’t panic. Your acting was perfect. Just like always. Stick to the script.
I put on an anguished expression and…
-Slam!
… punched the floor with my fist.
“… What’s wrong?”
“Damn it! I couldn’t protect it. I’m a worthless weakling.”
“Tell me what happened.”
“You heard the siren, right?”
“Yes, I did.”
“… An intruder came. Someone with a grudge against you.”
“Yes, yes.”
“He was after your precious vase. I tried my best to protect it, but… I’m sorry. I wasn’t strong enough. He broke it and escaped.”
My gaze, filled with unbearable grief, lingered on the shattered pieces. The Demon King could surely feel the sorrow of a man who had failed to protect a small, precious memory.
‘… Please, buy it.’
Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes.
“… You… You risked your life to protect my vase.”
-Hug
!?
The Demon King suddenly hugged my head. Her unexpected action filled me with guilt. I quickly shifted the blame.
‘It’s your fault for leaving the vase here in the first place.’
This was a happy ending. I was freed from vase-polishing slavery. She had witnessed my unwavering loyalty, a slave who would die to protect her treasure. Everyone was happy. No one had to suffer, and we could all just…
-Buzz! Buzz!
?
Of all times, a real challenger appeared. He looked much weaker than the Black Dragon or Bisang. Muscular, bulky, with a mohawk, a mustache, and a two-handed axe as tall as himself.
He was a barbarian, embodying every cliche of a weak extra character.
“You’re the Demon King! Your reign of terror ends here! You’ve met your match in Kurdan the Destroyer!”
Kurdan the Destroyer, whose very name screamed “I’m going to get my ass kicked.” I had zero expectations.
“What? Kurdan who? What did you say?”
“Kurdan the Destroyer! Remember it well…”
-Whoosh
-Slap!
-Crash!
‘Tsk.’
Kurdan the Destroyer couldn’t finish his sentence. A slap, delivered with lightning speed, had rearranged his face. He was, of course, knocked out cold.
“It’s him, right?”
The Demon King, dragging the unconscious Kurdan by his mohawk, asked.
“Huh? What?”
“The intruder who broke my vase. The Destroyer something. It’s him, right?”
Her eyes were bloodshot, her voice icy. She seemed to be looking for a place to unleash her simmering rage.
“… Yeah, it’s him.”
Sorry, Kurdan the Destroyer. Blame your name.
The Demon King, enraged for the first time in a while, was building something in the storage room. Kurdan and I waited outside.
-Clank! Bang!
‘… What is she making?’
I was starting to get scared myself. If I were Kurdan, I would have jumped out the window.
“… Ugh… Where…”
Kurdan regained consciousness. Only an hour of unconsciousness after a slap from the Demon King. His bulk wasn’t just for show, after all.
-Click, creak.
“Is he awake?”
The Demon King peeked her head out of the storage room.
“You dared to break my vase?”
Black smoke swirled around her. Her bloodshot eyes, filled with pure hostility, were even more intense than when I first arrived. Her voice, cold enough to freeze the room, made Kurdan and I tremble in fear.
“… Come in. Here.”
She beckoned him with a crooked finger.
“W-Wait a minute! Vase? What are you talking about? I never…”
As Kurdan tried to explain himself…
“Shut up! You bastard!!!”
-Thwack!
My soccer kick landed squarely on his jaw.
“Gaaaah!”
“You piece of trash! How dare you try to justify yourself after breaking our precious vase!”
“I-I never…”
“Be quiet! Shut up!”
-Thump! Thump! Thump!
I beat the vandal Kurdan senseless and dragged him to the Demon King.
“Huff… Huff… Here. Take your revenge for the vase.”
“Yes, leave it to me.”
“S-Spare me!”
-Drag
The Demon King dragged Kurdan away by his hair. It had nothing to do with me.
-Creak
-Thud
Screams echoed from the storage room all day long.
The door finally opened after a long time. The Demon King emerged, wiping her hands with a handkerchief.
“… Hey, you have a tooth fragment stuck to your lip.”
“Oh my, thank you.”
“… What about Kurdan? Did you kill…”
“You see…”
“Huh?”
“Kurdan said he never broke the vase.”
…
Don’t panic, Baek Dongha. Anger is poison.
“It’s just a lie from a cornered man.”
“But it doesn’t make sense, does it? Why would someone who broke my vase and ran away come back to fight?”
“Well, sane people don’t break into other people’s homes and smash vases.”
“So I checked.”
“… What?”
“I tried to erase Kurdan’s memory of breaking the vase with Akashic Records. But it wouldn’t erase.”
“… Explain it in a way I can understand.”
“It wouldn’t erase because the memory never existed in the first place.”
!!!
Her icy gaze pierced my heart. The Demon King’s thumb and forefinger gripped my chin, pulling me close. She whispered,
“It was you, wasn’t it?”
I was sitting alone in the chess room, the same room where I first arrived at the castle. On her orders, I sat with my hands clasped politely.
‘God, please let me die of a terrible disease before the Demon King hurts me.’
But my prayer went unanswered.
-Click, creak
“Have you been waiting?”
‘No.’
-Thump
She placed a wooden box in front of me.
“… What’s this?”
“Open it. Yourself.”
…
It must be Kurdan’s head. She would probably make me look at it and then say, “I’ve prepared a special box for you.”
I couldn’t refuse. Her expectant gaze was fixed on my fingertips.
Unable to withstand her scrutiny, I opened the box. I peeked inside, squinting.
‘Oh…’
A camera. It was definitely a camera. An old Polaroid camera that used film. So this was what she was looking for in the storage room. Why a camera all of a sudden…
‘Is she going to take my death portrait?’
Given the circumstances, my thoughts went straight to the worst-case scenario. The enraged Demon King tapped the camera with her fingernail and said,
“Do you know how to use this? When you press the button, it creates a picture that looks exactly like the real thing.”
It was the kind of description you’d give to a caveman who had never seen a camera before. Let’s not dwell on the fact that she could operate a game console but didn’t know about cameras.
“I know.”
She suddenly raised her hand.
‘Eek!’
I flinched, thinking she was about to strike, but she was just fixing her hair.
“… Are you okay now?”
“… What?”
“Is my hair okay…? Me.”
“… You look beautiful.”
A flattering compliment. Half-truth, half-flattery. She blushed and handed me the camera.
“Take a picture of me. Then I’ll forgive you.”
She was capable of showing mercy. I wouldn’t be buried in the Demon King’s cabbage patch with Kurdan after all.
A distant memory of my mother’s advice surfaced.
-Son, can’t you just do photography as a hobby? Do you really have to major in it? You’ll starve to death.
‘No, Mom. It just saved my life.’
“Alright. But let’s move somewhere else.”
We moved from window to window in the Demon King’s castle. This one’s not wide enough, that one’s too small. I kept making excuses, stalling for time.
“Are we almost there?”
“Wait, we have to find the perfect spot for a beautiful picture.”
This was the magic phrase that temporarily elevated the photographer to a position of power over the client. Even after being dragged around, she wouldn’t dare to mistreat the photographer who held the key to capturing her beauty in its full glory.
“This spot looks good.”
I positioned her on a suitable window sill, adjusting the backlighting and angles. Her appearance naturally filled my vision.
‘… She really is beautiful.’
If I stared for too long, I would forget she was a demon. She was a natural beauty, stunning from any angle, without the need for any artifice.
‘Let’s take it here.’
“Okay, smile.”
“Huh? Why?”
The Demon King asked.
“Smile. Brightly.”
“… Just take it. Why are you suddenly asking for strange thi…”
“Smile. Or I won’t take the picture.”
Despite my precarious position, I couldn’t stand taking a picture with a dull expression. And damn it, when the photographer tells you to smile, you smile! No backtalk.
Holding the camera in my hand, I felt invincible.
She usually smiled effortlessly, but now she was grinning awkwardly, unsure of how to pose.
“Okay, here we go. One, two, thr…”
…
“What are you doing? Is it done?”
The Demon King asked impatiently, her eyes wide.
“Is it done?”
…
-Click
I opened the film compartment. As I feared, it was empty. Telling her I couldn’t take the picture because of a film issue would surely result in some kind of punishment, especially after the vase incident.
“Take the picture. Hurry up.”
“… It’s done.”
“Really? Then give me the picture.”
“I can’t give it to you right now. It takes about a year to develop the picture.”
“What? Those guys before got their pictures instantly.”
‘They probably had film…’
“The more beautiful the subject, the longer it takes to develop. The camera needs more time to process it.”
It was a cheesy line, but she seemed to buy it.
“Oh? I-Is that so?”
“Yes.”
…
The Demon King pouted slightly but seemed strangely satisfied. I had just given myself another reason to escape within a year.
“… Don’t you want to be in the picture too?”
The Demon King, holding the camera, asked tentatively.
“… Huh?”
“… L-Let’s take a picture together. The three of us…”
She grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards her.
-Click, click
“… Hehehe… Ehehe…”
The Demon King smiled brightly, pressing the shutter of the film-less camera. Me, her, and the paper crane, captured in a nonexistent picture.