Chapter 27:
“Good morning.”
“… Uh… Yeah…”
The Demon King was engrossed in the screen, barely acknowledging my presence as I emerged from my room, which was unusual. Her red eyes sparkled like jewels, focused intently on whatever she was watching.
Potato soup and kimchi pancakes were on the breakfast menu. She was so absorbed in the monitor that she didn’t even notice she was holding her spoon upside down.
“… Hey, you’re holding your spoon the wrong way.”
“… Huh? Oh?… You’re right.”
‘What is she so engrossed in?’
It reminded me of myself, years ago, gazing longingly at the toys displayed in the glass case at a burger joint.
‘… Cute.’
?
-Smack!
I immediately slapped myself for the idiotic thought. This was like finding a female rhinoceros’s swaying hips sexy.
‘… What is it?’
Pretending to get a spoon, I snuck a peek at her screen. It showed a group of adventurers laughing and playing some kind of game.
They were playing Bingo. The game where you fill a 3×3 grid with words and try to complete lines horizontally, vertically, or diagonally.
-Yes! Another line!
“… Hehehe…”
The Demon King, grinning from ear to ear, shared their excitement with every cheer. She was so engrossed that she didn’t even notice the soup dripping from her spoon.
‘… I feel…’
Sorry for her. She wanted to play with them but couldn’t, so she was living vicariously through the monitor. It was genuinely pitiful, like a sick child watching other children play outside from a window.
‘… I’ll play with her later.’
For the first time, I wanted to initiate a game with the Demon King. Was I feeling sympathy for her? What a strange turn of events.
-I got Bingo! Hey! Everyone but you has three lines!
A female adventurer, who looked like a fighter, exclaimed. A male warrior groaned in frustration.
-Come on! Give me a break, please?
-No way. It’s a bet.
‘He’s cute. What kind of bet is it?’
Having experienced daily death games with the Demon King, these rookie adventurers, making a fuss over a simple game of Bingo, seemed adorable.
-… Fine.
The warrior reluctantly placed his hand on the wall.
-Thwack!
?
The female fighter kicked him in the butt.
-Aaaaaargh! Suzuka, you bitch!
-S-Suzuka! You’ll kill Brad!
-No, I won’t. He’ll be fine. Don’t be such a baby. Get up. There are three more people left.
-E-Easy on me…
-Thwack!
-Aaaaaargh!
The warrior’s screams filled the peaceful kitchen with a violent air.
“Hehehe, hehehehe…”
The Demon King giggled, her mouth wide open.
“Kufufu, uhuhuhu.”
She covered her mouth with her hand, stifling her laughter, as if imagining something amusing. Our eyes met, hers filled with joy, and she gave me a mischievous smile.
“I’ve decided what we’re doing today.”
Correction. At this moment, the most pitiful person was me.
I witnessed the birth of her wicked games and punishments. Death Bingo was upon us.
The first theme was “animals.” I cautiously suggested we skip the penalty this time.
“No way. I want to do it.”
Her reasoning was far too weak to justify my potential demise. I appealed to her human side once more.
“I have a medical condition where I die if I get kicked.”
“It’s okay. I’ll revive you with Resurrection!”
She spoke of my life so casually, as if it were a broken Lego toy. A memory of Yuria surfaced.
-Yuria!
-Yes? Dongha, what is it?
-You bitch! Why is my name listed as the leader of the Anti-National Elf Rights Protection Movement?
-Don’t worry. If you get arrested, I’ll find a new porter.
‘Damn you!!’
Alright, Demon King. I had briefly felt warmth and goodwill towards you, but you declared war first.
‘In war, you respond to cannons with missiles. I’ll show you what a man who’s serious about Bingo can do.’
I strategically placed the most common animals in the center of my grid. Donkey, crane, horse – her favorites. And in the spots that determined victory, I wrote down obscure animal names.
Golden Poison Frog
Elephant Shrew
Northern Hairy-nosed Wombat
Tonkin Snub-nosed Monkey
It was a classic trick, but it worked like a charm.
“Are you done? Hehe.”
The Demon King, lying on her stomach and kicking her feet, hid her paper and asked.
“Yeah, let’s start. But before that…”
“… Huh?”
“You know it’s just a game, right?”
“What do you mean?”
The Demon King tilted her head, confused.
“Let’s not get emotional. Let’s just play the game and be done with it. It’s not mature to get angry when you lose, right?”
“… What? When did I ever do that?”
‘Seriously? No shame?’
“Come on, you know, you know. You’re a cool demon. I’m just saying, just in case.”
“Yeah, I know, so let’s just play.”
Perfect. Now she wouldn’t turn into the Ghost Rider of vengeance like with the Oak Barrel Roulette. All I had to do was unleash my Bingo skills and crush her.
“Okay, I’ll go first! Megamouth shark!”
!!!!
‘Damn it!’
“Don’t have it? Then I’ll mark mine…”
I had momentarily forgotten one of her defining traits.
It’s not over yet. Don’t jump to conclusions.
She would definitely say donkey or crane. So I…
“Golden Poison Frog.”
“Oh my! I have it!”
!?
That’s right. She had a habit of overthinking and using unnecessarily complex words out of spite. And that habit was on full display in this animal Bingo game.
I said the next animal name with a trembling voice.
“Sob… To-Tonkin… Snub-nosed Monkey…”
“Woohoo! Bingo! Three lines! I won!”
The overjoyed Demon King did a triple axel with her Bingo paper. This was bad. I couldn’t let my life end with a bruised butt.
“Wait, how about we postpone the penalty and double it for the next round?”
“What do you mean?”
“If you win, you get to kick me three times, and if I win, I get to kick you once.”
“Hmm, no. I want to kick you once now…”
“Are you scared?”
A classic, childish taunt. But to her…
“Yeah, I’m scared.”
… What?
“I’m scared. So let’s kick once now, and then we can do double or whatever later.”
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
I wasn’t the only one who had grown from our games. She was flaunting her evolved rhetoric, wielding a sly smile and a cunning tongue.
This meant… I had to offer something in exchange for postponing the penalty.
“If you postpone it, I’ll give you a Five Gods of Wind tip.”
“I’m good.”
“I’ll give you all my Golden Candies from Bubbling.”
“They’re already mine.”
“I’ll give you 50 king potatoes.”
“Oh, you said you didn’t have any… You lied? Bring them here.”
The tables had turned. Now I was the one desperately bargaining, like the Demon King who used to haggle to avoid forehead flicks.
She effortlessly deflected my offers, smiling smugly. My naive attempts at bartering were no longer effective.
“Are you stalling? Come on, present your butt.”
She raised her pale foot. The thought of that foot, which had crushed countless high-ranking intruders, landing on my precious butt made my balls shrivel.
‘… If that’s the case…’
… I had to bring it up again.
“… Come to think of it…”
“Huh?”
“You broke a promise before too. You said you’d let me leave… and then you weaseled your way out, didn’t you?”
Her carefree expression instantly changed.
“What!? You, you! That’s already over!”
Fiery sparks erupted behind her, fueled by her rage. Don’t back down, Baek Dongha. It’s just a bluff.
“Over? I haven’t received my reward.”
“No! I paid you with a-alcohol…”
“Alcohol?”
Alcohol what? For some reason, she shook her head and then resigned herself.
“Fine… Fine. I’ll let you postpone it.”
“Yes, that’s enough for me.”
I shook her outstretched hand. It was a dirty tactic, but I had no choice. This was overtime.
‘I didn’t want to use this here…’
The Demon King’s Little Farm golden calf scam. I was saving it for something more important… But I had to use it now. My butt was on the line.
“Shall we move on to the next round?”
Her eyes gleamed with icy determination. She was planning to win and unleash a triple kick combo on my butt.
This time, I suggested the theme: naming fire magic spells.
It was like asking a military enthusiast to name firearms, and she accepted with a condescending laugh.
But the result…
“R-Requiem River Flare.”
I circled the last word on my grid and shouted,
“Bingo! Three lines!”
“What? N-No way!”
She protested in the same manner as before, but this time, I was the one armed with a seemingly endless list of obscure spell names, thanks to Dorothy. The Demon King, in disbelief, snatched my paper and examined it.
‘Thank you, Dorothy. You saved me.’
Back when Dorothy was studying for the 2nd Grade Archwizard recruitment exam, she had kept me awake all night, making me quiz her from a magic textbook. Those mythical spells I had memorized were now flowing effortlessly from my lips.
‘Dorothy, I’m sorry for wishing your family a fiery death from your sleep-talking Hell Flame incantations.’
The Demon King, demoted from victor to loser in an instant, bit her lip and groaned. Losing at her own specialty must have been a double blow.
“Ugh…”
Frustration welled up, and blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. She flung the paper to the floor.
‘… What’s this?’
She had placed Fireball right in the center. She must have assumed that was the limit of my magical knowledge, placing a common spell in the most crucial spot. This was why she lost.
“… Sniff… Ugh… Hit me.”
The Demon King leaned against the wall, presenting her butt.
“… Well…”
“… What are you waiting for? Don’t go easy on me just because I’m beautiful, a woman. Hit me.”
‘Are you crazy? Who would go easy on you…’
“… Don’t you have buffs active?”
She glared at me with her sharp eyes and reluctantly deactivated her buffs.
“… Needle Hips deactivated, Adamantium Hips deactivated, Emperor’s Butt deactivated, Zephyros’s Butt deactivated…”
What kind of butt buffs were those? Was she insane?
And what did Zephyros have to do with butts?
“… Hit me now. Your body won’t split in half.”
“… Fine. A promise is a promise.”
Eight consecutive victories.
Despite my impressive win streak, my face was growing paler with each victory.
“Hic… Sob…”
“… Are you crying?”
“Go away. I’m not crying… Hic.”
With her buffs deactivated, the Demon King’s physical defense was no different from a human’s.
‘… I told you I’d go easy…’
She had insisted, foaming at the mouth, that I shouldn’t hold back. So I had no choice but to unleash my Shinchon Gerrard soccer kick repeatedly.
“… Hic… Keep going.”
Her eyes, still wet with tears, burned with a fierce competitive spirit.
‘… I’m screwed.’
She wouldn’t be satisfied until she won and got to kick my butt. I had never seen her this obsessed with winning a game.
“Come on, let’s play again.”
“…”
The rule about not getting emotional was long forgotten.
…
Fine… If that’s how you want to play…
“Sniff, choose a theme. It’s your turn.”
“This time, we’ll list things we like.”
The Demon King, her nose red, nodded at my suggestion.
“Sniff, slurp. Paper crane.”
She seemed a little relieved when I didn’t mark anything on my grid.
“Your turn.”
“Iron Fist.”
“… Huh?”
I waited for her next answer, watching as she circled the word and hesitated.
“… Mayonnaise.”
“Chess.”
“… Porcelain vase.”
“Picture Quiz.”
“… Hehe… Piggy bank.”
“Little Farm, king potato farming.”
“Me too! Me too!… Hehe…”
I filled my grid with everything she might enjoy, based on our time together. Her expression gradually softened, and she stopped listing items from her Bingo list.
“Playing those games with you was much more fun than this. Honestly, you find this boring too, right?”
“Yes! Yes! I do! Me too!”
The Demon King, laughing through her tears, tossed her Bingo paper aside and skipped towards me. She seemed to have forgotten her butt-kicking grudge.
She unfurled my clenched fist with her soft, cold hand and took the paper.
“Let’s do everything you wrote down here!”
?