[14] Chapter 3. To Not Love (1)
The Fairy King joined hands with the human Emperor. The human Emperor gave the Fairy King a land named Deshidra, and in return, the Fairy King gave the Emperor beautiful flowers.
Thus, in a magnificently beautiful place in the human world, there is said to be a small village where fairies live. In that place, if you spill a glass of water, a rainbow appears, and if you spill a glass of alcohol, fruits grow on the trees. From those fruits comes the most delicious alcohol in the world, called Heavenly Liquor.
Originally, fairies belong to the heavens, so it wouldn’t be wrong to call it that.
– From an unknown side story in “Compendium of Mysterious Legends of the World”
*
The caravan’s schedule, which was originally intended to depart directly for the capital, was unexpectedly extended by a few more days at the hotel. Untimely rain poured down. Fernciana couldn’t tell if this was good or bad, so she buried herself in the blanket and only blinked her drowsy eyes. The sound of raindrops hitting the window resounded, making the room damp.
“Peirun. Are you not having breakfast?”
“…Ilyas?”
As she narrowed her eyes, she saw Ilyas’s face. Fernciana pulled the blanket up a bit more. As an aftereffect of the intense exercise from yesterday, her arms and legs were crying from muscle pain, and her lower abdomen was a bloody disaster from the inside. She couldn’t move at all.
“Yeah, I’m done with breakfast…”
“Because of menstruation?”
“…Uh, uh-huh.”
Hearing that word out loud, she momentarily came to her senses, then sank back down from fatigue.
“Uh-huh…”
“Does it hurt too much to think about eating? Or are you feeling down?”
“Both…?”
“Want something to drink? Should I bring you something warm to drink?”
“Yeah, something warm…”
Soon, Ilyas left the room. In the quiet room, as she buried herself deep in the bed, the damp and stuffy air also bothered her, so Fernciana got up, wrapped the sheet around herself, and headed to the window.
As she slightly opened the window, the sound of rain, which had been a bit far away, came right in front of her. The refreshing sound of the pouring rain hit her ears. Fernciana leaned against the window and quietly watched the raindrops soaking the hotel’s garden.
It felt like the world had turned upside down and she had been running around frantically since then. Even though she hadn’t done anything extraordinary. As she stood still and blankly watched the gently falling rain, it suddenly felt like a huge comma had arrived. Fernciana stood with her head leaning against the window.
‘Future? Past?’
If she closed her eyes, it felt like a dream. Those times, which she could no longer tell if they should be called the future or the past, were becoming blurry, and Fernciana often thought, could it be that she was walking on clouds?
If she fell and died like this, would everything end? Or would she return to the time when Seollim died again?
‘Seollim, Mom.’
Fernciana let out a long sigh. It felt like it had been too long since she had seen her mother.
The memories were distant. And the last time she saw Seollim again, he was dying after being stabbed by someone’s sword.
Just before the candle of life was about to be extinguished by the fire, why did Seollim only tell her about the Emerald Tabula and not think to tell her about the enemy?
Why did he close his eyes so lightly as if going for a walk? As if leaving not a trace of resentment or grudge. What about the ones left behind?
A person couldn’t spend every moment shedding tears over the sadness of farewell. Such sadness was like a decorative frame hung in the house. It was always there, but you couldn’t always look at it. Then, on days when it suddenly caught your eye, like this moment, you couldn’t come to your senses.
Fernciana let out a deep sigh.
Let’s go to the capital and find out. What the Emerald Tabula really is. Who the portrait she saw in the palace depicted. And then, as Seollim said, retrieve the Emerald Tabula, and then…
She couldn’t imagine what would come after that at all. It was a pitch-black blank page. It was a time she had never lived. Fernciana gazed out the window a little longer, then pulled the window shut. Even in that brief moment, her clothes and sheets were soaked. She couldn’t even gauge whether this sinking feeling was because of her poor physical condition or not.
At that moment, the door swung open.
“I brought the meal… What are you doing there?”
“I opened the window for a moment to ventilate, then closed it. Did you bring something to eat?”
“You can’t not eat anything, so.”
Ilyas, who had placed the tray he brought on the side table, meticulously closed the window, moved the things he brought to Fernciana’s bedside table, and then handed a heavy pouch to Fernciana, who was sitting on the bed.
“I heard it’s good to hold something warm, so I got this. They said it’s a pouch with heated pebbles inside. Hold it.”
“Quite a service.”
“I’ll charge extra, so be prepared.”
Ilyas said that and pushed the table close to her. Fernciana blinked and looked at Ilyas. From her perspective, nothing had changed, but Ilyas didn’t seem to feel that way.
“They say it’ll rain until tomorrow, so we’ll depart in four days.”
“That’s a relief…”
Fernciana muttered like that and grasped the spoon. In front of her were potato soup with rising steam, rye bread with melted cheese on top, and bite-sized cut fruits. It was evident that the menu was carefully chosen based on her saying she had no appetite.
“Ahaha.”
“What, what? Why are you laughing?”
Ilyas, who had been seriously glaring at the side table, suddenly raised his head at the sound of Fernciana’s laughter. Fernciana wrapped her hands around the soup bowl and savored the warmth.
“I’m not terminally ill.”
“I know.”
“But you’re making such a serious face, so that’s why.”
“But I’ll never understand or fathom it in my lifetime. I have no experience with it, and I don’t know anything except that it hurts! Not knowing is the scariest thing, you know? Right? You little one.”
“Good for you that you’re big.”
Fernciana retorted, but still unable to hide her laughter, she carefully ate the soup. Ilyas, who was sitting across from her, made a grumbling expression but didn’t say anything.
And when she had half-emptied the soup bowl, Ilyas hesitantly opened his mouth.
“Well…”
“Hm?”
“I was going to get separate rooms, but I thought it would be better to stay like this until we reach Pomilas, in case someone from the caravan or others might suspect something.”
“Oh? Okay, got it.”
“As you said, it’s a bit dangerous for a girl to travel alone…”
“I said I got it.”
Fernciana kept looking at Ilyas, who kept making excuses, and finally burst out laughing again. Ilyas argued that his concern and worry were natural, but he couldn’t stop her laughter.
‘That Ilyas Seyran…’
The renowned information merchant Ilyas Seyran, who would become the crown prince’s closest confidant in a few years and be the subject of rumors that he knew every single ant crawling on the empire’s land, was doing his best to express that there was no ulterior motive in his decision to share a room with the girl he was traveling with. In a way, he had an almost innocent face.
“You little… Stop laughing already!”
“Ah, no, ahem, no, I was the one who said there’s no need to get separate rooms.”
“…”
Fernciana laughed for a long time after those words. Ilyas looked at Fernciana with a displeased expression, and when she stopped laughing, he shoved a piece of fruit into her mouth.
“Still, don’t freely share a room with other people like this. Understand, shorty?”
“Yes, yes.”
Would this be how it felt to have an older brother? Fernciana thought as she slowly ate the peach that entered her mouth. Ilyas, unaware of her feelings, rested his chin on his hand and let out a deep sigh. Rain was pouring outside, but it could no longer dampen her mood.