Chapter 57 p1
Does he really have a psychological disorder?
Yuli wanted to get off the horse, but her body was stiff and she couldn’t move for a moment.
Behind her, Jingyu and Xiyun had already dismounted. Jingyu knelt by the roadside, her expression unclear. Xiyun wanted to go to her but was stopped by a shadow guard.
Xiyun’s face was pale with fear. She was forced back by the shadow guard and couldn’t help but kneel beside Jingyu.
Yuli sat alone on the prostrate Yexiao, cold sweat on her back. But she was still clear-headed. At least she wasn’t trying to escape. She had planned to go and find him, although it now looked as if she were leaving.
Yuli turned to Xie Yao.
The light was dim. Besides his sharp, cold eyes, she couldn’t see his face clearly. But he sat on his horse without moving, with no intention of getting down and walking towards her. It was clear that he was not meeting her in the familiar identity.
“I was going to find you,” Yuli said, looking up at the man on the horse.
Xie Yao chuckled. “Is that so?”
He didn’t believe her. A dangerous aura enveloped her. Yuli trembled for a moment, and her whole body suddenly had strength. She struggled to get off the horse.
She wanted to walk towards him, but Yexiao suddenly stood up and, with a cheerful gait, went to Xie Yao’s side, standing with his horse.
Xie Yao raised his hand to stroke its mane. Yexiao shook its head and snorted.
Yuli’s whole body was stiff, and she couldn’t lift her feet.
“What are you still standing there for?” Xie Yao said, holding Yexiao’s reins, speaking to her.
He still had no intention of getting down from his horse.
The small alley was quiet. A group of shadow guards were kneeling. Jingyu and Xiyun were prostrate on the ground, trembling.
Yuli looked at him one last time. It was not impossible to reveal everything in this way.
Yuli lowered her head. She had never done such a thing before. She was very clumsy and didn’t even know where to put her hands. They just hung straight by her sides, and her knees went weak.
Because her whole leg was sore and weak, she knelt a little heavily, and the pain made her breath catch. She imitated Jingyu’s posture and prostrated herself. “This commoner, Song Yuli, pays my respects to the Regent.”
The horse’s hooves suddenly became chaotic, and the sound of footsteps came before her like the wind.
“Get up,” the two words seemed to be squeezed out from between his teeth, carrying a storm.
Yuli did not move. “I was not leaving. I was going to find my husband. I beg Your Highness not to pursue the fault of my two maids.”
Xie Yao squatted down in front of her, his chest heaving violently. “Granted. Get up.”
Hearing this, Yuli’s heart was extremely complicated. He had let go of Xiyun and Jingyu, his tone like a gift. He had acknowledged his identity as the regent.
Revealing his identity should have been a beginning, but it was a world of difference from the situation she had imagined, where he would tell her in person.
It was she who had pursued it, she who had done all this. But if this was his true face, she seemed to really be unable to bear it.
Yuli prostrated herself on the ground, and her shoulders suddenly began to tremble.
The hand Xie Yao had placed on his knee had long been clenched until the knuckles were white. Hearing her faint sobs, his heart felt as if it had been pierced, the blade twisting, churning it into mud.
He held back, slowly stood up, and signaled for Xiyun and Jingyu to come over. The two of them were so scared they couldn’t move.
There was no one else to rely on behind her, only herself. Yuli closed her eyes for a long time, secretly wiped away her tears, took a deep breath, and said in a low voice to the tips of her toes in front of her, “Thank you, Your Highness.”
She felt that it sounded quite calm, just like her heart, which was like dead ashes.
After saying that, she wanted to get up, but her body was sore and stiff. She paused, then forced herself to straighten her back.
Before she could raise her head, a great force suddenly swept her up. A cold, subtle fragrance filled her nose, and a heavy force wrapped around her shoulders, back, and the back of her head.
Xie Yao was half-kneeling, holding her tightly, his eyes closed, his forehead pressed against hers. “Are you scared now?”
Yuli’s tears fell like rain, landing on his collar, wetting the dragon’s head.
He was doing it on purpose, to intimidate her in this way. He intentionally wanted her to recognize the difference in strength and status, and not to do anything beyond her means.
Yuli did not move, nor did she speak, just cried silently.
Xie Yao’s chest was burning hot. He held her even tighter. It was not good to stay outside for long. He wanted to pick her up, but her whole body went limp and slid down. She held her hands in fists against his chest. “I can walk.”
Xie Yao’s whole body was stiff.
Yuli retreated from his embrace, did not look at him, and turned to leave.
Xie Yao knelt on one knee on the spot, watching her walk away, to Jingyu and Xiyun, pulling them up, and returning to the Xie Residence the way they had come.
The shadow guards in the alley were silent, even their breathing was faint. But Xie Yao felt a chaotic and deafening noise.
Recently, he had been going back and forth on his decision. He had originally decided not to see her until he told her that he was about to ascend the throne. But he couldn’t resist coming back to see her, and had lost control after just a moment of intimacy.
He actually felt that he was not worthy of her. After returning to the palace, everything was as usual, but at night, his mind was filled with images of her practicing riding to see him.
She had him in her heart. He was worthy. He had come back to please her. But when she called him “Mingyan” and touched him, he had lost control again.
He could not grasp either indulgence or control.
Just now, he had brought out the court’s hierarchy, the husband’s superiority over the wife, thinking it would be effective.
It was still a complete failure.
The moment he thought of what she was thinking just now, he was terrified, and almost instinctively wanted to solve everything by killing.
But his reason still remained. Killing would only push her away completely.
It was the first time in his life that he had tasted the feeling of being helpless.
Xie Yao stood for a while. Yexiao suddenly came over. Yexiao had accompanied him on the battlefield, which was why he had been at ease letting Yuli ride it.
Yexiao walked to his side and rubbed against him. He stood up and saw the bundle tied to the saddle.
He opened it and saw that it was all silver notes.
The chaos in Xie Yao’s eyes instantly turned into a cold and deep state. A storm brewed in the depths of his eyes, but it soon returned to a deathly silence.
*
Mingyue Residence.
Yuli sat in the hall and drank a few sips of tea.
Beside her, Jingyu and Xiyun were still shaken. Yuli also poured them some tea, but they did not move.
Xiyun had many things she wanted to ask Jingyu, but she didn’t dare to say them in front of Yuli.
Yuli’s face was pale, and her eyes were red. She didn’t even have the strength to speak. Xuemi came in from outside, circled around her feet, and jumped onto her lap.
Yuli did not move. Xuemi meowed and lay on her lap.
Yuli came to her senses and stroked Xuemi’s head. “We’ve been making a fuss for so long and are all tired. Let’s wash up and rest. Just pretend that what happened today never happened. From now on, we’ll just live our own lives.”
Xiyun finally asked, “What is the Young Master’s identity?”
Today’s scene had really frightened her. So many guards in black, each of them looked as if they could snap her neck.
Young Master Xie also seemed to have changed into another person, even more intimidating. It was only when Yuli knelt to him that she felt something was extremely wrong. He was definitely not an ordinary wealthy merchant. He was a powerful and noble person, and both Yuli and Jingyu knew it.
Jingyu was silent.
Yuli told him, “He is the regent.”
Xiyun was horrified.
Yuli wanted to comfort her a few words, but she couldn’t think of anything to say for a moment. In the current situation, she didn’t know what to do either. Perhaps the safest thing was to let them all leave the residence.
Xuemi suddenly stood up, jumped off Yuli’s lap, and stood by the table, looking at the rockery.
The three of them, Yuli, all looked over. A deep purple coiled dragon robe swayed out from behind the rockery. The three of them were all stunned for a moment.
Xuemi darted away. Jingyu subconsciously wanted to kneel. Xiyun froze in place, and Yuli was also unable to move.
Xie Yao approached, his face frighteningly cold.
“You two go and get busy,” Yuli said.
Xiyun was the first to react. She took Jingyu’s hand and ran out in small steps before Xie Yao could enter the door. They went around the covered walkway and out of Mingyue Residence. A few shadow guards were standing outside, and they ran right into them.
“You two, please follow me,” a shadow guard said. Jingyu was still calm, but Xiyun felt that her death was imminent.
The two of them were taken away separately and disappeared into the night.
Main Hall.
The lights were bright, a familiar person and scene.
Yuli should have asked him if he had eaten, but today she did not speak, not knowing how to face him. Her eyes fell to the ground, not looking at him.
After learning to ride a horse for two consecutive days, she felt as if she had exhausted her strength. She was extremely tired.
If a low status, and being gentle and submissive was what he wanted, it was not impossible to live like that. It was just a return to the state of their first meeting.
Yuli felt that it was not unacceptable. As long as she was in this small courtyard, she could still live a comfortable and free life.
But she could not be servile. And now she could not put on a professional fake smile. She would just give up, lie flat, and so be it.
Yuli lowered her eyes to the ground. The corner of Xie Yao’s robe appeared in her vision, but she was indifferent.
Xie Yao sat down beside her and held her wrist. “Tell me, why did you bring so many silver notes to find me?”
Yuli’s eyelashes moved. She replied calmly, “I had thought that if you still didn’t appear today, I would leave the Xie Residence and never come back.”
There was no point in saying these things now. He had appeared, although in an unexpected direction of development. But it was clear that no matter what, she could not escape his control.
Yuli’s mood was low. After saying this, she said no more.
Xie Yao held her wrist, his force not light. Yuli did not struggle.
After a long time, she felt tired and moved her wrist. “I’m tired.”
“Wait another half-moment,” Xie Yao said.
A wave of revulsion rose in Yuli’s heart, and she could not suppress it.
She lowered her head and murmured, “What am I in your heart?”
Xie Yao was silent.
Yuli couldn’t hold on any longer. Her heart was blocked and in pain. She was also sick and would not indulge him anymore. She struggled with her wrist, and when she couldn’t shake it, she went to scratch his fingers.
She couldn’t scratch him, and he didn’t speak. Yuli was so angry that she said angrily, “Say something!”
“Is your mouth just for eating?”
“Do you think you look very domineering when you don’t speak?”
“So what if you’re the regent? Can the regent bully people?”
“If you’re sick, then get treatment. If you’re not sick, then control yourself. Don’t go crazy at the drop of a hat!”
Xie Yao’s breathing grew heavy. Yuli’s reason returned. She turned to look at Xie Yao and saw that his face was deep, but his eyes were extremely complex.
It was full of things she couldn’t understand. Even if she understood, she couldn’t tell if they were true or false.
Yuli paused. He didn’t speak. She struggled with his hand, and she didn’t stop even when it hurt and turned red.
“Let go of me,” Yuli said, looking at him fixedly, full of distance and determination.
The hardness in Xie Yao’s eyes finally shattered. He let her go and stood up.
Yuli was startled by his expression, thinking of the night he had given her a knife and had her stab him.
He didn’t walk away. Before she could breathe a sigh of relief, he squatted down, held the armrests of her chair, and looked up at her.
“I treat you as my life,” he said, looking at her, his gaze as if it were gentle, and yet as if it had a sharp light.
“I don’t speak because I don’t know what to do with you.”
“I am the regent and can bully everyone in the world, but I should not bully you. I was wrong.”
To prove that his mouth was not just for eating, he answered her questions one by one.
Yuli was silent.
Xie Yao removed his hand from the armchair but still held her wrist.
The pain in his heart was no different from being cut by a knife. He wanted to have her stab him with a knife, but he knew in his heart that she would not, and would instead think that he was hopelessly crazy.
He chuckled, and the knee that was half-squatting touched the ground. The other one also went down, and he knelt in front of her.
Yuli was so shocked she wanted to jump up, but her wrist was in his hand, held extremely tightly.
“The Regent, Xie Yao, pays my respects to the Princess Consort.”
He bowed his head, his forehead resting on her knee.
Dressed in a coiled dragon robe, the person who had just been high and mighty, looking down on the world, and had controlled everything about her from beginning to end, was kneeling beside her.
Yuli did not feel vindicated, nor did she feel happy. She trembled incessantly and was almost about to cry. “Don’t be like this. I’m scared.”
Hearing her say she was scared, Xie Yao looked up and forced a trembling smile. He then said, “From now on, I will come back every day and will never leave you alone. I beg the Princess Consort not to think of leaving me.”
Seeing his trembling lips, and the fanatical look in his eyes that was on the verge of collapse, Yuli was afraid that he would take out a knife and have her stab him.
She couldn’t provoke him anymore. So be it. She would put it aside for now. As long as he didn’t go completely crazy and didn’t kill people indiscriminately, it was still bearable.
Yuli took a few deep breaths and calmed her trembling a little. “Alright, get up quickly.”
Xie Yao did not move. He looked up and said, “I want a hug.”
He had held her just now, but she hadn’t accepted it. That was probably what had provoked him, just like when she had ignored him before. But wasn’t this all his own doing?
Yuli sighed. She had never liked to argue. When they argued, they would get caught up in the details and say many things that would hurt the other person. Let alone with someone like Xie Yao, who was both domineering and crazy. There was no point in winning or losing an argument.
Yuli was helpless. “Then you let me go first.”
Xie Yao had no intention of letting go.
Yuli was about to laugh with anger.
She bent down and pressed her face against his. “Alright now?”
Xie Yao was taken aback, and his hand finally loosened.
Yuli pulled his hand away, moved the chair back, and squatted down to hold him. She felt his heart beating extremely fast. She sighed in her heart, patted his shoulder, and whispered in his ear, “Listen to me, empty your mind, don’t think of anything, take a deep breath, take a deep breath.”
Yuli said so, and she did so herself. The effect was very good.
Gradually, she calmed down, but Xie Yao’s breathing was still rapid. Yuli said again, “Think of the blue sky, the white clouds in the sky, and the slowly flowing great river on the ground…”
Yuli talked for a while and then helped Xie Yao up.
He looked normal. Yuli was suddenly overwhelmed by fatigue.
“I’m so tired today. I want to sleep.”
Xie Yao hummed in agreement, his eyes on Yuli’s face. He looked calm and mentally normal.
Yuli had no more energy to care about him. She smiled at him and turned back to the bedchamber.
Just as Yuli entered the bedchamber, a shadow guard in black appeared silently and handed two pieces of paper to Xie Yao.
Xie Yao opened them and glanced at them. One was Xiyun’s confession: The Mistress did not want to force the regent to give her a title, but just wanted to say goodbye to him. Silver notes? Did she not have the right to take some silver notes after being with him for so long… I beg Your Highness not to punish the Mistress…
The other was Jingyu’s: The Mistress wanted to go out to find the Young Master and had brought silver notes, thinking that if the Young Master did not appear, she would run away from home.
Xie Yao’s face was expressionless. “Let them go. Not a single word is to be leaked.”
The shadow guard took his order and left.
*