Liang Jingchuan fell silent for a moment, but he walked toward the roadside first.
Only then did Lan Yan notice that his car had been parked behind Yu Wancheng’s business van the whole time, which explained why he had seen everything so clearly.
Liang Jingchuan opened the passenger door and took out a black paper bag from the seat. It had no logo, so she couldn’t tell what it was, but she guessed it might be a holiday gift for her.
Afterward, Liang Jingchuan walked toward her.
Lan Yan led the way, with Liang Jingchuan following two steps behind. Their footsteps alternated light and heavy.
When they reached the building, Lan Yan swiped her access card to unlock the door and was about to pull it open when Liang Jingchuan stepped forward and opened it for her.
Lan Yan knew he was afraid she would get zapped by static again.
Sometimes, she couldn’t help feeling a bit resentful: they were the people who understood each other the most in the world, so why had they been shackled by their identities from the very beginning.
They went upstairs one after the other, remaining silent the whole time.
Lan Yan pushed open the door to her apartment and invited Liang Jingchuan inside. “No slippers, so just come in as you are.”
But Liang Jingchuan took off his shoes and walked in wearing socks.
The last time he had entered this space, he had helped Lan Yan get rid of the things Chen Boyu had left here. This time, did she want to “get rid” of him personally?
Lan Yan casually placed the sunflower bouquet on the coffee table and asked tentatively, “Do you want hot water or cold water…”
Liang Jingchuan set the paper bag he was carrying next to the bouquet, slipped one hand into his pocket, glanced at her, and said coolly, “Just say whatever you have to say.”
Lan Yan was stunned for a moment. “…You know what I want to say, don’t you?”
“Mm.”
“Since you know…”
“I want to hear it from you directly.”
A flustered and uneasy expression suddenly appeared on Lan Yan’s face.
Liang Jingchuan felt angry: she was the one preparing to sentence him to death, so why did she look like the first one to take a cold shot? What made him even angrier was that seeing her like this still made his heart ache.
Lan Yan opened her mouth, her voice hoarse. “…Let’s go back to how things were before.”
Liang Jingchuan let out a light scoff. “What are we now? Is there even room to go back?”
Every word he said made Lan Yan’s throat tighten a little more. “…Do you have to nitpick the words? You know what I mean.”
“I don’t. Make it clear.”
“Fine, I’ll make it clear. From now on, aside from necessary family gatherings, we shouldn’t contact each other or meet.”
The space seemed to hit pause, frozen in a stillness that made her heart race.
Liang Jingchuan lowered his head, a cold, thin anger rising in his eyes. “When did you decide this? After meeting Yu Wancheng?”
“…It has nothing to do with him. I already said today wasn’t just the two of us.”
“He sent you flowers.”
“That was just sunflowers!”
“Anyone has the right to send you flowers today except me.”
“Have you never sent me any? Can I stop you from doing anything?”
Liang Jingchuan pressed his lips tight. “…Did you really try to stop me?”
“What counts as really trying? That day when you made me choose, weren’t my words serious enough? Aren’t you the one going back on your word? Aren’t you the one who assumed I’d accept you someday?”
“Can’t I make that assumption?” A rare hostility flickered in Liang Jingchuan’s eyes. “Didn’t you enjoy kissing me?”
“You!” Lan Yan’s chest heaved, her face paling with anger, shame, and embarrassment.
“You can reject me, Lan Yan. I don’t care. Anyway, even if you reject me, you can’t shake me off. You’ll have to come home for New Year and eat at the same table as me. When you get married, I’ll sit at the family’s table. Even when you have kids, they’ll have to call me uncle…”
Lan Yan suddenly raised her arm.
But he immediately lowered his head, turning his face toward her without even blinking.
Her palm hovered in midair before finally dropping.
“…You’re a lunatic.”
“You should say, why did I only go mad today.” Liang Jingchuan’s voice suddenly turned hoarse.
All the heightened emotions drained from Lan Yan’s mind like a receding tide.
After a long silence, Lan Yan bit her lip, looked away, and said miserably, “…My dad is going to get a marriage certificate with Aunt.”
Liang Jingchuan shuddered.
He fell silent, a layer of pallor appearing on his face.
After a long silence, he spoke hoarsely. “…I told you that on Lantern Festival.”
It wasn’t a question, so Lan Yan just hummed in acknowledgment.
“If they don’t get the certificate, would you accept me, Yanyan? Or did this just give you the perfect reason to push me away completely?”
…He was terrifyingly perceptive about certain things.
Lan Yan’s nose stung. There was a question she had always wanted to ask, but not at this moment. “…When did you start liking me?”
“Senior year. The first time I saw you.” There wasn’t a second of hesitation in his tone.
Lan Yan froze, unsure whether she wanted to scream or cry. Her body reacted for her. “…Then can you go tell them not to get the certificate? Can you do that? …You only confessed to me now because you always knew our identities made it impossible…”
“You’re wrong, Yanyan. Because you always hated me… And if Chen Boyu was the one who could make you happy, I never would have let you know in a million years…”
Liang Jingchuan’s voice trailed off because he saw large teardrops falling onto the carpet, instantly absorbed and vanishing without a trace.
He paused, then looked up at Lan Yan’s face, but she immediately turned her head away.
Liang Jingchuan took half a step closer, reached out to put his arm around her shoulders, and tried to turn her body toward him. The stalemate lasted only a moment before her shoulders slumped and her head drooped.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her straight into his embrace. She pressed her palms against his chest, her forehead resting on the back of her own hand, and said hoarsely, “…Tell me, what do I have to do for this to be over.”
Liang Jingchuan said nothing and lifted her face with his hand.
Lan Yan felt his cool lips brush against the corner of her eye, as if trying to wipe away the tears that kept welling up. A misty breath hovered at her nose for a moment before moving toward her lips.
“Don’t…” Lan Yan turned her head away, even more choked up. “…Don’t.”
The breath paused for a moment before pulling away. One hand rose to stroke her head, pressing her against his chest.
It took a long time before he finally spoke. “You asked if I could stop them from getting the certificate. I can tell you, Yanyan, for you, I could do anything. But if you don’t choose me, nothing matters. I don’t know how hard these obstacles are for you to overcome. I only know I’m not important to you. No matter how much I try, it won’t be enough to make you decide to face them with me…”
His voice grew more bitter and hoarse. He fell silent for a moment before continuing. “Don’t cry anymore, Yanyan. If this is truly what you want, I won’t force you. After I resign, I’ll consider taking a job overseas, in America or Canada—my uncle’s in Canada… Aside from coming back for New Year occasionally, you won’t have to see me again.”
Liang Jingchuan opened his mouth as if he had more to say, but it seemed pointless.
He raised his hand and gently stroked Lan Yan’s back, over and over.
He had done everything she asked, so why was she still crying? Was he the one who had failed the most?
His heart was filled with confusion.
He had always thought himself resolute enough, but even he could lose his way.
His phone suddenly vibrated in his pocket.
He paused for a moment, then took it out and answered.
Lan Yan heard him say, “Okay. Right away.”
She immediately lifted her head and turned away, wiping her cheeks with her palm.
Liang Jingchuan put his phone back in his pocket, his hand staying there. He looked at her, his emotions and tone turning exceptionally calm. “I’m leaving.”
Lan Yan lowered her eyes and stayed silent.
Liang Jingchuan glanced at the coffee table. “The gift…”
He seemed about to explain what it was but then stopped, as if it was unnecessary.
He took a step back, stood there for a moment, then turned and headed straight for the door without another word.
Lan Yan stood with her back to him and heard the door close with a moderate thud.
His footsteps faded away.
An even more overwhelming emotion seemed to displace the pain. She couldn’t name it, only felt an endless void.
Her strength drained away. She sat down, draped her arms over the coffee table, and rested her head on them.
The air conditioning was off in the apartment, and the temperature was low, but she didn’t feel cold. She had lost sensation of everything around her.
It was as if another version of herself had detached, hovering above and observing it all. All emotions felt muffled behind a layer of glass, blurred and indistinct.
How could there be such a “war” where neither side felt any joy in winning or losing.
Liang Jingchuan had done exactly as she wished, so why did a massive stone still weigh on her chest, making each breath harder than the last.
She didn’t know how much time passed.
Her curled-up legs had gone numb from the pressure. Lan Yan lifted her head to stand and saw the black paper bag next to the sunflowers.
She hooked her finger through the handle and pulled it toward her.
Inside the paper bag was a light blue velvet drawstring pouch. She pinched it; whatever was inside felt soft and fluffy.
She untied the drawstring and pulled it out, freezing like stone.
A plush penguin with deep blue fur and a white belly.
It wasn’t as worn and dull as she remembered, and the belly no longer felt hard and lumpy from tangled knots.
But from its scratched plastic blue eyes, she could tell for sure: it was her penguin, her friend “Niaoniao.”
It was plump and soft, warm just like when she hugged it as a child.
Lan Yan stared at it in a daze for a long while before tears spilled out again. She hugged it tight and rummaged through the pouch. Sure enough, there was a card inside.
【Yanyan:
Your friend “Niaoniao.” Uncle never threw it away.
I asked him for it and had someone restore it.
Don’t rush to forcibly say goodbye to anything.
Life is long. The relief and forgetting you want will come naturally someday.
L】
Lan Yan shot to her feet. Her legs prickled with pins and needles, but she didn’t wait for it to fade before rushing to the door, grabbing her keys, and flinging it open.
She slammed the door and raced downstairs.
Never had any moment felt so urgent.
Her heart wanted to leap from her chest, sprout wings, and fly down to call him back.
…Had he already left? Was she too late?
“You’re looking for me?”
—The voice came from upstairs.
Lan Yan skidded to a halt in surprise and looked up.
He sat on the stairs leading from the sixth floor to the rooftop.
Lan Yan immediately turned and ran up the stairs toward him, thump thump thump.
She stopped on the step in front of him, gripping the iron railing and taking a long breath.
Before she could catch it, with her ears still ringing, she heard her own voice tremble. “Two questions for you.”
Liang Jingchuan looked up at her. His hands on his knees clenched together, fingers interlaced.
“Mm. Ask.”
Lan Yan looked into his eyes. “Can you like me for a lifetime?”
“Yes.”
“If you change your mind, can I kill you?”
“Yes.”
Two identical answers, each without the slightest hesitation.
Feeling her heart pounding, Lan Yan realized it had stopped more than once.
She extended her hand toward Liang Jingchuan.
His gaze shifted downward, from her face to her hand.
Her palm faced up, waiting for him to take it.
It was the invitation he had longed for in vain:
I allow you to flow through my life.
I allow you to love me.
Liang Jingchuan grasped her hand. The temperature he felt on her palm was as cold as his own.
Lan Yan gave a gentle tug upward, and he stood involuntarily.
She led him by the hand, step by step down the stairs and back to the door.
Her hand had gone numb from the cold. She fumbled several times before inserting the key into the lock.
Her other hand trailed behind, still holding Liang Jingchuan’s. Opening the door one-handed was tricky, but she didn’t let go.
Once unlocked, she pushed the door open with her palm and pulled Liang Jingchuan inside.
He closed the door. In the next instant, he stepped forward, wrapped his arm around her waist, and drew her back into his embrace.
He had been sitting on the stairs, dressed thinly. At that moment, his whole body felt ice-cold and emanated a chill. Only his breath remained warm as it brushed behind her ear.
His voice trembled slightly. “Yanyan.”
“Mm.”
“Do you like me?”
“I like you.”
In an instant, he felt a damp heat. She turned her head and saw his eyes—framed by his pale face—dark and deep, his eye sockets red and moist.
She turned around and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I like you.”
If that was not enough to convince him: “I want to be with you forever.”
Liang Jingchuan’s lips trembled slightly, and his eyelashes grew wet.
Lan Yan tiptoed, as if unable to help herself, and kissed his eyelids.
She felt his eyes trembling too. She tasted a bit of saltiness and thought she might be a little perverted.
Her heels settled slightly, her breathing suspended. She pressed her cool lips to his.
In an instant, Liang Jingchuan raised his hand and gripped her waist tightly. He closed his eyes as his tongue tip forcefully parted her teeth and invaded her mouth.
Oxygen had never depleted so quickly, and the spreading pain in his heart grew even more intense.
All blurred sensations sharpened once more.
Heartbeat, breathing, aura, body temperature, drowning thoughts, uncontrollable shivers, and their mutually destructive desires—all confirmed one fact:
He might not just like her.
And she felt the same.