After summer began, the weather grew hotter with each passing day. By July, the heat in Qingling was so intense it was beyond words. Daily highs of thirty-seven or thirty-eight degrees were almost enough to roast a person alive.
After lunch at the staff cafeteria, He Qingshi returned to his office for a short nap.
At noon, the sun outside was especially fierce. The few magnolia trees outside the office building were wilted by the heat, their leaves curled and listless.
The cicadas’ chirping was clamorous, one wave drowning out the next, an incessant drone that frayed the nerves and stirred restlessness.
The sweltering weather made people irritable. He Qingshi’s mood had been greatly affected lately.
Of the four seasons, he disliked summer the most. The days were so long, unbearably hot from morning till night, with little relief even after dark. If not for his teaching duties at the university, he wouldn’t have wanted to leave the house at all. On his days off, he would hole up at home with the air conditioner running nonstop for twenty-four hours. While the indoors were cool, it was also stiflingly dull.
Fortunately, there was only one week left before the break, and he could rest for a while.
The office air conditioning was set very low. Lying on the sofa with a blanket, he slowly closed his eyes and drifted into sleep.
The dream grew increasingly sensual. A woman beneath him responded with fervent, passionate urgency. His movements were hurried, fierce, and violent, as if driven by an impulse to devour her whole.
A voice persistently assaulted his auditory nerves throughout the dream. A girl’s voice, thin and soft, tinged with sobs.
“Mr. He…”
“Mr. He…”
……
The woman called out many times, yet he could never clearly see her face.
The dream was long, scenes shifting one after another with startling clarity, as if he were truly experiencing them.
Finally, the image froze. The woman lifted her face, her smile bright and radiant. “Mr. He!”
Only then did he see her face clearly. It was Huo Chuxue’s face, writ large, magnified—that slender, sharply defined melon-seed-shaped face.
“Doctor Huo…”
He Qingshi jolted awake from the dream, gasping for air as if he had just fought a fierce battle.
And wasn’t it just that! The man and woman in the dream had been so intense, so unrestrained, grinding against each other as if neither was willing to let the other go.
He pressed a hand to his chest, recalling the face from the dream, and his own face paled with fright.
Sinful, sinful, truly sinful!
Stumbling, he rushed into the bathroom, twisted the faucet, and the sound of rushing water filled the air. It gushed into the sink, filling it in an instant.
He plunged his head heavily into the water. The cold water washed over his forehead, a bone-chilling coolness that could calm a person.
He closed his eyes, held his breath, and emptied his mind for a moment, trying not to think of anything.
A moment later, he surfaced and stared blankly at the mirror. The man reflected there was disheveled, his hair soaked, his face covered in droplets of water, a picture of utter wretchedness.
He took a dry towel and slowly wiped himself dry.
He had finally managed to temporarily suppress the restless fire within.
This couldn’t go on. This was already the fourth time he’d had a similar dream. Although the locations, settings, and clothing differed each time, the subject was always her. Whether happy or sad, annoyed or angry, her expression might change, but the person was always her.
The event was also the same each time, always that one act, just with different positions.
fierce and crazy, utterly insatiable, as if feasting on a sumptuous banquet.
In his wild and reckless youth, he wasn’t unfamiliar with such dreams. But none had ever been as crazy as this one. Even at the height of passion, his actual experiences paled in comparison.
This sinful version of himself felt utterly alien.
A sense of shame, filling his heart and mind, began to spread through his limbs and across his entire body. He was almost powerless to resist it. Shame for himself, guilt towards Huo Chuxue—it was like rapidly growing vines binding him, rendering him immobile, tightening their grip until he was on the verge of suffocation.
This feeling was too uncomfortable, too oppressive, almost suffocating.
He truly dared not imagine what Huo Chuxue would think if she knew he harbored such improper thoughts about her.
Huo Chuxue had always been a woman he admired. This female doctor was cool and composed, optimistic and cheerful, dedicated to her work and her patients, and highly responsible. She laughed heartily when happy and cried freely when sad, knew how to regulate her emotions, and was passionate and full of vitality. Like a flame, she seemed to possess endless energy.
She could also be quite childish at times, acting with straightforward spontaneity and speaking her mind directly. Other times, she was considerate and comforting, knowing how to care for others and their feelings. She had noticed his several emotional breakdowns but never pointed them out directly, instead helping him adjust in her own way.
She cared deeply for her patients. During Lan Yi’s childbirth, she visited the ward several times a day, inquiring after her well-being with utmost dedication. She would also grieve for a long time over the loss of a young life.
He had always admired her and treated her as a friend, never entertaining any improper thoughts. But he didn’t know when it started; he began to change. His emotions were no longer under his control. His once calm and placid heart had actually begun to ripple and stir.
He found it increasingly difficult to look her directly in the eye, no longer able to interact with her as calmly as before. He often drifted off, his thoughts wandering, with more and more of those sensual notions popping into his head out of nowhere.
The day he returned from Lan Yi’s home, he had this dream that very night. Upon waking, he found it unbelievable, and his instinctive reaction was denial. He comforted himself, thinking it was because he had been inactive for too long, hadn’t been intimate with a woman for too long.
But in the following days, he had the dream repeatedly. Today was the fourth time. He could no longer ignore it, play the ostrich, and avoid facing it.
He felt there must be something wrong with his psyche.
Leaving the bathroom, He Qingshi quickly dialed a number.
The phone rang twice before it was promptly answered.
A gentle female voice came through, “Hello, Dongting Psychological Counseling Clinic. How may I help you?”
“Hello, I’d like to make an appointment with Doctor Zheng for tomorrow.”
“I’m sorry, sir. Doctor Zheng’s appointments for tomorrow are fully booked.”
He Qingshi: “……”
He held the phone to his ear; it felt slightly warm against his skin. He couldn’t help but frown. “What about the day after?”
“The day after is also full.”
He Qingshi: “……”
“When is available?”
“Friday is available.”
“Then Friday it is.”
Friday, at the Dongting Psychological Counseling Clinic in Qingling.
He Qingshi arrived early.
The nurse on duty led the way for him. “Mr. He, Doctor Zheng asked me to bring you over.”
He Qingshi nodded and said politely, “Thank you.”
Doctor Zheng’s consultation room was the last room on the right on the second floor. Walking down the corridor, they passed many consultation rooms lined up in a row.
The corridor was long, with several potted green plants placed along the way. Sunlight streamed in through the windows in large patches, and the plants stood straight, eagerly absorbing the light.
The consultation room right in the middle faced the stairwell. Just then, a woman in a beige dress emerged from the stairwell and pushed open the door to that room.
He Qingshi caught a distant glimpse of her profile and found it very familiar. He wanted to take a closer look, but the door to the consultation room had already closed.
He paused outside the room, looked up at the nameplate. It read—”Doctor Wei’s Office.”
Seeing him stop, the nurse asked, puzzled, “Is something wrong, Mr. He?”
He Qingshi: “Is Doctor Wei a student of Doctor Zheng’s?”
The nurse: “That’s right. Doctor Wei is Doctor Zheng’s prized student, specifically providing psychological counseling to patients with limited financial means.”
——
Doctor Zheng’s full name was Zheng Dongting, the founder of the Dongting Psychological Counseling Clinic. It was the largest psychological counseling clinic in Qingling, boasting several outstanding young psychologists on its roster, making it a formidable institution.
Back when Su Miao passed away, for nearly a year or two, He Qingshi couldn’t move on. He was depressed, suffered from insomnia, was neurasthenic, and in terrible shape. He frequently experienced visual and auditory hallucinations. Walking down the street, he would see a girl with short hair and think it was Su Miao. Alone at home, he constantly felt Su Miao was calling his name. Merely existing felt like being a walking corpse. Later on, he even started acting a bit strange.
Dean Qu couldn’t bear to see him torment himself any longer and introduced him to Doctor Zheng from Dongting, suggesting he go for psychological counseling.
Under Doctor Zheng’s guidance and conditioning, he gradually emerged from the shadows.
That’s why he had come to seek out Doctor Zheng again this time.
Doctor Zheng was in his fifties, with graying hair and a pair of gold-rimmed glasses. Sitting behind his desk, he smiled slightly. “Long time no see, Mr. He.”
He Qingshi nodded with a smile. “Long time no see, Doctor Zheng.”
It truly had been a long time. Nearly seven or eight years had passed since he ended his counseling sessions. During those seven or eight years, his condition had been good. Even when he encountered emotional turmoil, he could adjust on his own without major issues. So he had never come back for another consultation.
The two were already quite familiar. Although they had little private contact, meeting again after so many years felt like reuniting with an old friend, warm and cordial.
Doctor Zheng gestured to the chair opposite. “Please have a seat, Mr. He.”
“Thank you.” He pulled out the chair and sat down.
Doctor Zheng said, “Last night, when I was reviewing the list of appointed patients and saw your name, I could hardly believe it. In my impression, you recovered very well and never came back.”
He Qingshi: “I’ve encountered some things recently that have been troubling me for a while, so I came to ask for your advice.”
Doctor Zheng stood up to pour tea for He Qingshi. “This is this year’s new tea from Cenling. Knowing you like it, I specially brought it over for you this morning.”
It was premium Suming Tea. The aroma of the tea wafted up, striking the nostrils directly.
He inhaled, and the fragrance filled his entire being, refreshing and delightful.
“Thank you.” He Qingshi reached out to take the cup, holding it in his hands. His fingers felt warm from the heat.
Doctor Zheng sat back down in his chair, twirled the pen in his hand, and spoke unhurriedly, “Tell me, what have you encountered?”
——
Ten minutes later, He Qingshi finished speaking in one breath. He hurriedly picked up the teacup and gulped down the tea, drinking hastily, the full aroma filling his mouth.
Even when confiding these shameful matters to a professional psychologist, it still made him feel deeply embarrassed.
Doctor Zheng, who had been twirling his pen, stopped and held it in his hand. “So, it’s the same person every time?”
He Qingshi nodded: “Yes.”
It was Huo Chuxue every time.
Doctor Zheng tossed the pen onto the desk and suddenly laughed heartily. “Mr. He, this isn’t a psychological disorder. It’s an excess of dopamine secretion.”
He Qingshi raised his eyes slightly. “What?”
Doctor Zheng stood up, a smile curling his lips. “Congratulations, Mr. He. You’ve encountered love!”