He Qingshi spent a sleepless night.
He lay in bed, eyes open, staring blankly at the ceiling. From the deep silence of the night until the sky began to lighten with the first hint of dawn.
The last time he had stayed up all night was also because of Huo Chuxue’s words—
“He Qingshi, I thought we were already friends, weren’t we?”
That time, he had thought about it all night and felt she was an excellent woman with many qualities he admired. The most important point was that she could see the desolation and barrenness in his heart, yet she never pointed it out directly. Instead, she spared no effort trying to dissolve them, to make him happy.
He thought that if he could become good friends with her, it might not be a bad thing.
She said to be friends, so they would be friends. He began to allow her to enter his life in the capacity of a friend. And he also treated her as a good friend, with sincerity.
Perhaps the biggest mistake was his moment of soft-heartedness back then. If he had been more ruthless and refused even friendship, how could he be so hesitant and indecisive today?
Months had passed, and now she had presented him with another difficult problem. A problem on top of a problem, with no solution in sight.
That night, He Qingshi thought about many things. He remembered the years when Su Miao was alive.
His union with Su Miao was rather cliché. During the Spring Festival when he was twenty-four, they were introduced by relatives. They hit it off immediately, dated for half a year, and then got married directly.
Their married life was very happy. Su Miao was gentle, considerate, and meticulous, taking good care of him and his family. Her personality wasn’t as lively and passionate as Huo Chuxue’s; she was more like him—reserved, quiet, and she rarely raised her voice when speaking.
Their relationship had always been stable. They treated each other with respect and courtesy, were intimate and close, and rarely argued. Although it wasn’t as earth-shattering or turbulent as others’, it was warm and comforting.
Su Miao loved pear blossoms very much. For her, he specifically bought a plot of land in Cenling, hired people to build that small villa. Every March when the pear blossoms bloomed, he would accompany her back to stay for a while.
They escaped the hustle and bustle of the world, went deep into the mountains, returned to a simpler life, and enjoyed the most tranquil existence nature could offer.
Those times were simple yet warm, the most beautiful existence in his memory.
In the third year of their marriage, they decided to have a child. Su Miao was very expectant about this child. As soon as the pregnancy was confirmed, she resigned from her school job to rest at home and prepare for the birth.
When she was five months pregnant, she said she missed the pear blossoms in Cenling and wanted to eat the local peach blossom pastries.
During her first trimester, she suffered from severe morning sickness, vomiting whatever she ate, and her weight plummeted. By the fifth month, her appetite was still poor, and she could hardly eat much throughout the day.
Everyone was deeply worried. Hearing her say she wanted peach blossom pastries, they naturally went along with her wishes, letting her return to Cenling to stay for a while.
The air quality in Cenling was good, which was also beneficial for a pregnant woman.
As luck would have it, he was swamped with work at the time and couldn’t get away to accompany her. So he asked Lan Yi and Gui Shu to accompany her there.
Things are always so coincidental. Lan Yi and Gui Shu’s daughter, Yuanyuan, had just gone through a bad breakup at the time and was very upset, her mood low. So she went along with Su Miao to Cenling to relax.
Including the unborn child, there were five people when they left. Only two returned. The massive earthquake in Wangchuan… Lan Yi and Gui Shu escaped with their lives, but Su Miao and Yuanyuan never came back.
He rushed over after receiving the notification, only to be greeted by cold, lifeless bodies.
At that moment, he felt as if the sky had collapsed.
After Su Miao left, he was depressed for a long time, unable to move on. In the depths of midnight dreams, he could always feel she was still by his side.
The pain of losing his beloved was a weight he simply couldn’t bear in his life. Countless times, he had thoughts of ending it all, wanting to just be done with it. But in the end, he was too cowardly; he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
Under the psychological counseling of Doctor Zheng, he gradually emerged from the shadow, pulled himself together, and returned to a normal life. But his heart remained desolate and barren, a wasteland where nothing grew. His whole person was like deadwood, eroded by time, decaying day by day. He couldn’t muster any passion for life; living was merely existing.
He thought his life would just be like this from now on—living monotonously and dully, day after day, year after year, repeating endlessly.
He closed himself off, imprisoned his heart behind walls of brass and iron, like a trapped beast. He couldn’t get out, nor did he think about getting out.
He never imagined that one day someone could knock down that wall, break through it, and set up camp inside.
He replayed every single moment of his acquaintance with Huo Chuxue in his mind. It was like watching a movie, each scene replaying with exceptional clarity.
It was strange. He could actually remember all of this so clearly. Even her clothing and appearance at the time, her expression, the words she said—he could recall all of it completely and intact.
However, he still couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he had started to develop feelings for her.
That day, when Doctor Zheng pointed out his true feelings, he wanted to mend his ways. He deliberately didn’t answer Huo Chuxue’s calls, didn’t reply to her messages, wanting to keep his distance.
He couldn’t betray Su Miao, couldn’t let himself sink deeper.
But those few days were torture for him; his mood was complex. He actually really wanted to answer her calls, really wanted to go see her. He forced himself to cut off those thoughts, divert his attention, and not think about her.
It was only then that he realized how deeply he had already fallen for this girl.
——
In the early morning, rain began to fall, pattering softly.
The bedroom was dim, with faint points of light seeping in through the curtains that weren’t fully drawn, flashing by.
In the blink of an eye, the night had passed.
He Qingshi felt utterly exhausted, completely drained of energy.
He got up, stepped into his slippers, and walked to the window.
Pulling back the curtains, the sky was gray and hazy with light, a fine drizzle falling. The entire city was shrouded in a thin layer of moisture, the rain mist blurring everything.
A few sparse old trees shook their leaves, sifting down droplets of rain.
It was finally raining. After such a long stretch of clear weather, it was high time for a rain to cool down the summer heat.
With the rain falling, visibility was very low. The surrounding buildings were like floating silhouettes in a frame, indistinct and unclear.
He Qingshi gazed into the distance. He didn’t know how long he stood there, his thoughts in complete disarray.
Only when the sky was fully bright did he finally go to the backyard.
The weather forecast said there would be heavy rain in the next two days. He needed to move those potted plants indoors.
Every single one of the potted plants in the courtyard was his treasure. He had always taken meticulous care of them.
After Su Miao left, he had fallen in love with planting these things. It was as if by interacting with these plants, he could keep a part of her. In the end, it was nothing more than self-deception.
The rain grew heavier. Moving them inside one pot at a time, his pajamas were soaked through.
The last one he brought in was a pot of pothos. Its leaves were vibrant green, full of life and vitality.
He noticed several other plants had sprouted in the flowerpot. He leaned in for a closer look and discovered they were actually loquat saplings.
Tiny plants, with slender stems and leaves only a small speck in size, utterly inconspicuous. If one wasn’t careful, one wouldn’t even notice their existence.
He Qingshi began to find it strange. How could loquat saplings grow in a perfectly good pothos pot? After thinking back carefully, he realized this was the handiwork of that girl, Huo Chuxue.
That day she came to his home, and after dinner he took her to the backyard to see these flowers. The girl had been holding a handful of loquats, eating them while admiring the flowers, perfectly content. After eating, she had secretly tossed the loquat seeds into the flowerpot. She thought he hadn’t seen, but he actually had. He just hadn’t pointed it out at the time.
Her unintentional act had actually allowed these loquat seeds to take root, sprout, and grow into saplings.
In fact, wasn’t she just like these loquat seeds? Quietly falling into his heart without him noticing. By the time he became aware, she had long since taken root and sprouted.
Matters of love have always been miraculous. A seed that quietly falls into your heart, and you remain completely unaware. By the time you notice, it has already taken root and sprouted. To then fret over when it fell is naturally already too late.
In the afternoon, after finishing his classes, He Qingshi found some time to go to the clinic.
He had called Doctor Zheng in the morning, and the doctor had time in the afternoon. So after class, he went straight to the clinic.
His mind was in chaos right now, at a loss. He had to find someone to talk to, to hear another person’s opinion.
It had been raining since morning, and the rain continued all day. By the afternoon, it still hadn’t let up.
A fine misty rain fell, the summer heat in the air dissipating, replaced by a touch of coolness.
But He Qingshi didn’t feel any cooler. His chest felt heavy and stifled, unbearably oppressive.
Driving from University A to the clinic, he encountered traffic jams all the way, which only made him more irritable and restless.
As his car stopped at a crossroads, his phone vibrated.
He seemed to have a premonition, knowing it was a message from Huo Chuxue.
He knew that girl’s temperament—very persistent. Since she had confessed, she naturally wouldn’t give up without getting his answer. From yesterday until now, she hadn’t contacted him, but that was just to give him time to think.
Sure enough, Huo Chuxue said in the message—
“I’m at Lan Yi’s place. Are you coming over for dinner tonight?”
The red light had just turned on, and all vehicles came to an orderly stop at the intersection. Pedestrians hurried across the road on the crosswalk, swarming forward.
Trumpet creepers by the roadside climbed up a white wall, vines twisting everywhere, the flowers on the branches blooming wildly and passionately.
He Qingshi looked at them and felt that he was currently that white wall, pressed too tightly by Huo Chuxue, unable to even breathe.
He let out a heavy sigh, turned off his phone screen, and did not reply.
——
“I knew you’d be back.” Doctor Zheng was not at all surprised to see He Qingshi, smiling as he spoke to him.
He Qingshi hadn’t slept all night. Dark circles shadowed his eyes, and he looked exceptionally weary.
His voice was hoarse. “I can’t figure it out. I wanted to talk to you.”
Doctor Zheng raised a hand, pointing to the sofa. “Have a seat first.”
As he spoke, he walked around behind his desk to make tea for He Qingshi.
Seeing his action, He Qingshi quickly said, “Don’t trouble yourself, Doctor Zheng. It’s hot out, no need for hot tea.”
He was already restless and irritable. Drinking hot tea would only make him feel worse.
Hearing this, Doctor Zheng stopped. “Then I’ll pour you a glass of cold water.”
“Thank you.”
The cold water was exceptionally cool. Like a clear spring entering his mouth, he drank half the glass in one go, but still didn’t feel any cooler.
A calm heart naturally feels cool. If the heart isn’t calm, drinking anything is futile.
Doctor Zheng sat down beside He Qingshi. “Tell me, what’s the situation?”
He Qingshi placed the glass on the coffee table and began, “Yesterday, she confessed to me.”