Chapter 42
“Aah! Young Master!”
The young master stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. I stopped too. A shiver ran through my body. It was the young master’s magic. He was so agitated that he couldn’t even control it.
“Hmm! So that mage is your master! I can feel it, the magic imprinted on you! And he’s furious!”
“I can tell that much myself.”
Embarrassed, I tried to clasp my hands together, but one of my hands was holding my detached arm. I discreetly hid it behind my back.
“Estella.”
“Yes.”
“Estella…”
He stared at me blankly, repeating my name as if malfunctioning.
“Are you alright?”
“Am I alright?”
His voice was anything but alright. He strode towards me, grabbed the raven, and pulled it off my head.
“You’re asking me if I’m alright?”
“…Yes.”
“You ran off in a thin dress, created a path through the western forest, knocked down a tall tree, put a raven on your head, came back with a missing arm, and you’re asking me if I’m alright?”
Everything he said was true. Just as I was about to say yes, the raven flapped its wings.
‘Don’t answer! Don’t answer!’
I could understand what it was trying to say by its frantic flapping. So, to answer the raven…
“Yes!”
“Estella!”
I had clearly answered the raven, yet it pecked me on the forehead. The young master grabbed my shoulders and turned me around, examining me.
“Give me your arm.”
“The arm holding the other arm, or the arm being held?”
“The one you’re holding!”
I hesitantly offered him my arm, mimicking the handshake gesture I had used with the raven. He ignored it and snatched my arm, examining the broken edges. His tightly pressed lips twitched intermittently.
“I’m sorry…”
I hadn’t meant to make him so angry. Forget about romance and proposals, I should be grateful if he didn’t just discard me. Who would want a doll that kept causing trouble?
He placed his hand on the broken part of my arm and drew a magic circle in the air. The area his hand passed over shimmered. The broken edges glowed and softened. He reattached the arm, but I couldn’t feel anything. It was a temporary fix.
“What are you sorry for?”
He asked, his voice low and quiet. It would take all night to list everything I was sorry for.
“Everything…”
“Be specific.”
He took a step back. I touched my awkwardly reattached arm and mumbled,
“For running off, creating a path through the forest, knocking down a tree, hitting zombie ducks with the tree, breaking my arm, putting a raven on my head…”
“Hey, what about me?”
The raven flapped its wings in protest. The young master ignored it and grabbed my shoulders.
“Do you think that’s why I’m angry?”
“…”
I felt like I would be scolded whether I said yes or no. I decided to keep quiet. He could just seal my lips with wax, as he had threatened before. I could spend some time in silent reflection…
But even saying that felt like it would anger him, so I stayed silent.
“The reason I’m angry is more complicated than that.”
Strangely, he smiled as he said that. It was a strange smile, his eyes narrowed as if he had been staring directly at the sun.
“I don’t care about the trouble you’ve caused. Do you think I can’t afford to fix it? I can buy this entire land if I want to. Or I can restore it with magic. That would be simple.”
“…”
“But the reason I’m angry…”
He pulled me into a tight embrace. Was he always this big? I was completely trapped in his arms, unable to move.
I lowered my gaze, and the raven winked, flapping one wing and whistling. No, this wasn’t going well. I was far from sparkly and glamorous, Mr. Raven.
“Young Master.”
He held me for a long time, tightening his grip before pushing me away abruptly.
“It’s because I hate it.”
I was bewildered by his sudden change in demeanor. His eyes were red.
“You keep reminding me of Anna! If Anna had been as strong as you, she would have been causing this much trouble! I can’t stand it!”
“I, I’m, I’m sorry.”
I apologized awkwardly. It was difficult to find an excuse because he wasn’t actually angry at me.
He was directing his anger, almost cruelly, at himself.
“Would Anna have broken her arm too? And would I have been oblivious to her pain until later, just like with you? I keep thinking about Anna, broken and shattered. I have nightmares every night. When I approach you, worried about you being broken, Anna is lying there instead.”
“…”
“Am I worried about you because you resemble Anna?”
I froze. My lips parted, then closed.
“I hate myself for treating you like Anna’s replacement, for worrying about you, for caring about you.”
He rubbed his face and sighed.
“I hate myself for becoming so emotional in front of you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. That reminds me of Anna too.”
I was on pins and needles. I wanted to run away, but there was nowhere to go.
It was frustrating, but I couldn’t even express my frustration. I was Anna. Anna is right here! And yet, acting like myself upset him…
What should I do?
I felt like I, as Anna, was an obstacle to his happiness. His happiness was my priority. It was my duty as a maid, a responsibility drilled into me since childhood.
Perhaps I shouldn’t be Anna if it meant his happiness. Could I even separate Anna from Estella at this point?
“What should I do?”
At this moment, I was completely a doll. Strangely, I felt calm in front of the emotionally distraught young master. I felt numb, as if he had taken even my share of emotions.
“I’ll do whatever you want. Should I speak less? Limit my movements? Reduce my durability so I break easily from the slightest impact? Then I’ll have to be careful not to break, so my actions will be limited.”
“…”
“I’m your maid, Young Master.”
My habitual words made him flinch. Ah, that was Anna’s way of speaking too.
“I’m…”
My pride was hurt, but he was more important than my pride. It was how I had always lived, even though I usually treated him with casual disrespect.
I had to remind myself that my true place was this low and uncomfortable.
“I’m your doll, Young Master.”
My voice might have sounded slightly sullen. Saying those words made me feel empty and brought me back to reality.
He was angry because I, a doll, was acting like a human.
That thought made me feel pathetic, like a marionette with its strings cut. As I hung my head, he slowly approached me.
“Let’s go back.”
“Yes.”
“And…”
His eyes, as he looked at me, flickered. His teary eyes were bright blue, and the skin around them was still red. He blinked slowly, then averted his gaze. His long eyelashes cast soft shadows.
“You don’t have to act like a doll.”
“…Really?”
“You wouldn’t be able to anyway.”
“I could try.”
“I don’t like it.”
He continued, sounding like a petulant child.
“It makes me feel like an idiot. You don’t have to change to prove you’re not Anna’s replacement. I’m the one who needs to change.”
He then scooped me up in his arms. I felt awkward being carried back like a prized possession.
“I can walk by myself.”
“Thankfully, you didn’t break your legs this time. Do you even know how expensive your materials are?”
“You’re rich and capable.”
“There’s a limit to that. If you keep breaking yourself, I’ll go bankrupt. If you’re truly concerned about me, at least don’t get hurt.”
“Yes…”
I leaned my head against his shoulder, unable to resist the temptation. He didn’t say anything, just held me tightly as he walked back towards the library.
“…Wait a minute!”
He stopped abruptly and looked down. I followed his gaze. The raven was waddling after us like a duck.
“Are you planning to leave me behind?”
“A raven from the western forest.”
The young master said in a flat voice. The raven spread its wings and flew up, landing on my head again.
“I made a promise with this young lady. To sit on her head and visit my friend comfortably.”
“I never gave you permission. Get off my maid.”
“Well, it was a legitimate transaction, so I can’t. As a mage, you should understand. Ravens of the western forest are always fair.”
The raven chuckled and added,
“Breaking a deal with a raven brings insurmountable misfortune!”
“I’m not carrying your weight. Get off.”
“Wait! You’ll regret it! You’re staying at the magic library, right? My friend’s house is right there. I’ll tell Baba to give you a discount on the lodging, so cut me some slack.”
The cheeky raven ruffled my hair, making itself a comfortable nest.
“You’re saying a witch is your friend…?”
“Yes! I’m the King of the Western Forest, invited by the witch herself.”
“Ha…”
The young master sighed deeply.
“What’s wrong, Young Master?”
Instead of shooing away the raven, he started walking again. He didn’t mention removing the raven anymore.
“The raven I summoned to make your heart… I think it’s this one.”