After saying that, Tao Shuran hung up the phone on her own initiative.
The instant she turned to leave, she bit her lower lip tightly, forcefully suppressing the impulse to look back at him one more time.
‘Liang Yuanjing, I’ve seen your back so many times. This time, let me leave first.’
Meanwhile, Liang Yuanjing returned to the apartment as night fell.
The moment he opened the door, the living room lights were on. The blanket on the sofa was bunched up, with half of Zhao Zhengnian’s arm sticking out as he napped without any regard for his image.
Liang Yuanjing couldn’t be bothered to spare him a glance. He walked straight into the room to grab some clothes and headed to the bathroom for a shower.
When he came out, Zhao Zhengnian had woken up as well.
Rubbing his bleary eyes, he let out a long yawn and asked, “A Jing, what time is it?”
“Beijing time.”
Liang Yuanjing sat at the tea table peeling an orange. The chill from his body was impossible to hide, wafting toward Zhao Zhengnian in waves.
Zhao Zhengnian squinted at him for a moment.
He nodded and said, “What’s up? Bad mood?”
Liang Yuanjing replied expressionlessly, “Is that so? I’m doing fine.”
“Cold shower? Did Instructor Zhou chew you out again?”
“Or did Xu Yanyang piss you off again? I say that guy’s really boring.”
“Or maybe your mom called?”
“Did your dad come harassing you?”
He guessed aimlessly, nearly running through everyone around them.
After peeling the orange, Liang Yuanjing turned around and gave him a look.
Seeing that he had no intention of eating, Zhao Zhengnian reached out his hand, practically opening his mouth to be fed.
But with a “thud,” Liang Yuanjing flicked his hand and tossed the orange into the trash can, leaving only the peels in his grasp.
He seemed a bit surprised that he’d thrown away the wrong thing.
It was just the end of a contractual relationship, something he’d long anticipated. Why did he feel so lost?
Liang Yuanjing pressed his lips together, leaned back on the sofa with both hands, and sprawled out lazily, staring at the ceiling.
His voice betrayed no emotion.
“Dumped. Whatever.”
“Real or fake?” Zhao Zhengnian joked. “Even you, the great handsome Liang, have a Waterloo day?”
“Real.”
Liang Yuanjing tilted his head back and exhaled a long breath.
“And right now, I’m really unhappy. That’s real too.”
He pressed his palm to his chest and said slowly,
“That I kinda like her… that seems real too.”
“Huh?”
Zhao Zhengnian jumped up from the sofa, shouting, “Liang Yuanjing, a flower finally bloomed from the crack in your rock?”
Liang Yuanjing covered his ears, lifted his eyelids to glance at him, and said flatly,
“You break the sofa, you pay for it.”
“Forget the sofa.” Zhao Zhengnian plopped down beside him, more enthusiastic than the person involved.
“You’ve fallen for Tao Shuran, and she dumped you.”
Liang Yuanjing clasped his hands behind his head and gave a casual “mm.”
Moonlight crept up the walls outside the window. A pot of spider plant on the flower stand thrived vigorously, its fronds dangling section by section. Liang Yuanjing’s gaze drifted inch by inch downward, recalling many past moments.
His first reaction upon hearing she liked someone else had actually been jealousy.
Even that day when he’d probed by asking if she liked him—it had really just been questioning himself.
These belated emotions floated up like fishing line, hooking up a massive iceberg that had lurked deep below.
All those overlooked feelings now sprouted and surfaced like love itself.
Liang Yuanjing suddenly stood up, grabbed his jacket, and headed out.
Zhao Zhengnian chased after him, yelling, “A Jing, it’s almost ten. Where are you going?”
Without looking back, Liang Yuanjing said, “I’m going to find her.”
At ten that night, Tao Shuran hid in the bathroom and cried twice in secret.
With just over an hour until lights-out in the dorm, she looked at her red-eyed reflection in the mirror, lowered her head, and splashed cold water on her face, forcing herself to calm down.
About five minutes later, she pushed open the door and walked out.
Because of the unpleasantness with Luo Qiuya, the entire dorm had fallen into a deathly silence.
No one dared to speak first, as if something might explode at any moment.
Tao Shuran sat down at her spot and took a deep breath. Just as she was about to put on her headphones to listen to music, Tan Yueyi slowly reached out from the next bed and handed her some candy.
Tan Yueyi watched her face carefully and said, “Ranran, seems like there’s someone downstairs in the dorm building.”
She put it vaguely, but Tao Shuran immediately knew who it was.
She lowered her lashes and “mm”ed, saying nothing more and making no other moves.
Five minutes later, a message popped up.
“Liang Yuanjing”: Come down.
“Banyue Xing”: Whatever needed saying was already clear on the phone yesterday.
“Liang Yuanjing”: I snuck out. If you don’t want me locked down tomorrow, come down soon.
“Liang Yuanjing”: Just want to see you before the day ends. Nothing else.
After reading his messages, Tao Shuran closed her eyes and thought for a moment.
She slowly stood up, put on a jacket, picked up her things from the desk, and went downstairs.
Not far away, Liang Yuanjing leaned against a blue bike. His denim jacket outlined his lean waist, his posture casually relaxed as his gaze drifted lazily ahead.
The moment Tao Shuran appeared, his eyes turned to her.
Unable to bear his gaze, Tao Shuran kept her head down and walked over stiffly.
The wind blew up her pant legs, sending chills one after another.
Before she could speak, Liang Yuanjing lifted his chin and said, “Don’t say sorry to me again.”
Tao Shuran bit her lower lip hard.
She said nothing more, just silently handed him the item from her phone.
Liang Yuanjing glanced at it. His face showed no emotion, and he didn’t reach for it.
He asked her, “What does this mean?”
“The end.”
Tao Shuran, head lowered, said word by word, “I looked it up. Your lighter is pretty expensive. It doesn’t suit me to keep it.”
“Tao Shuran, look at me and say what you mean.”
Tao Shuran slowly raised her head. As she did, she revealed her pale, haggard face and a pair of eyes that couldn’t hide their exhaustion. She was no longer bright and vibrant; the hurt from this relationship was plainly displayed before him.
In a soft voice, she said, “I don’t want to pretend to be your girlfriend anymore. I really like you but have to act like I don’t care. I don’t want to sneak glances at you through everyone else anymore.”
“Every girl in the world has the right to confess to you, but I’ve always stayed silent.”
Liang Yuanjing said in a low voice, “Sorry.”
Tao Shuran shook her head with a bitter smile. “I chose to like you myself. What do you have to be sorry for?”
“Sorry I didn’t realize this relationship sooner.” His voice was low and husky, sounding like a lingering dream when it reached her.
But now the dream was ending.
Tao Shuran took a deep breath, her gaze falling on the sycamore tree behind him.
Pretending to be casual, she asked, “Do you know what secret love feels like?”
Without waiting for Liang Yuanjing to answer, she continued to herself.
“Afraid you’ll look at me, afraid you won’t. Forever wavering on that tightrope. If not for that diary, I might never have said your name.”
Tao Shuran forced a smile and looked at him from the heart—
“Secret love really hurts, Liang Yuanjing.”
Those words left Liang Yuanjing silent for a long time. The late autumn breeze scattered the hair from his forehead, revealing a pair of deep, brilliant black eyes.
They stared at her unblinkingly now, a tumult of emotions surging like ink within.
After a while, Tao Shuran heard his voice.
He said, “Don’t secretly love anyone next time.”
She froze and asked instinctively, “What?”
Liang Yuanjing’s throat bobbed. His dark eyes fixed on her with utter focus, his whole demeanor showing a rare seriousness.
“I said, wanna give it a try?”
“What.”
Tao Shuran stood rooted to the spot, not even believing it as she tilted her head slightly. She felt a surging tsunami swallow her whole, but shock left her voiceless.
“Listen to me next.”
Liang Yuanjing swallowed. His heart suddenly pounded wildly in his chest, bringing a intense tension unlike any flight training.
The adrenaline rush sped up his words as he looked at her earnestly, enunciating each one clearly:
“Tao Shuran, before coming to see you, I realized I kinda like you.”
“Couldn’t get a ride out the gate. Afraid if I didn’t say it tonight, I wouldn’t see you again, so I scanned a bike by the road and rode over.”
“My heart raced the whole way. I finally realized belatedly that I’d probably liked you for a long time already. Haven’t pinpointed exactly when yet.”
“When I parked, I thought, if you’re willing, I can apply not to go to Jingbei in junior year.”
“No.”
At the last sentence, Tao Shuran suddenly interrupted.
Bathed in the silent night, her eyes full of clarity and resolve, she asked in an exceptionally calm tone—
“Liang Yuanjing, have you really decided to give up your dream for me?”
Liang Yuanjing lowered his gaze to the lighter in his hand, fiddling with the lid idly.
He didn’t reply immediately. His obscure eyes churned with all emotions in that moment.
Tao Shuran smiled knowingly. “You haven’t decided either, have you?”
“Wavering between dream and feelings. Liang Yuanjing, I can tell it’s just impulse. In a bit, even you’ll realize your emotional stir for me is just pity for my five years of secret love.”
Tao Shuran said firmly, “Liang Yuanjing, you don’t like me at all.”
Just pity, sympathy, gentlemanly consideration, tolerance.
Tao Shuran trembled with sadness.
Just then, Liang Yuanjing stepped forward.
She immediately huddled her shoulders like a startled bird, pleading in pain, “Liang Yuanjing, please don’t come closer.”
“You who haven’t fully fallen for me—every step nearer just makes me sadder.”
Liang Yuanjing stopped in place, looking at her sorrowful face, her lips parting as if to speak but holding back.
He heard Tao Shuran recount these years in a tone so pained it was nearly serene.
“Standing here, every time I wonder how much luck I need to trade just to cross paths with you here.”
Tao Shuran walked forward slowly to the abandoned building beside the dorm, where she’d often stood watching the sun rise and set, watching him at the end of the training line, slowly running over under the sun.
The feelings of secret love were incomprehensible to others.
She said slowly, “Every ‘chance encounter’ from your view was actually my countless painstaking returns.”
“Now, do you understand the pain of secret love?”
Liang Yuanjing leaned on the railing with one hand, his jacket hem fluttering in the wind. He turned his head to look at her, reading the emotions in her words.
He pressed his lips and asked unwillingly,
“So my getting close only brings you pain, sadness, and grief?”
Not entirely.
The pain was her choice, but what hurt Tao Shuran more was that her liking him troubled him, even made him sacrifice.
It made her feel her love itself was a mistake.
Tao Shuran steeled herself and said resolutely, looking at him—
“Yes.”
Liang Yuanjing pressed his tongue to his cheek, tasting something indescribable.
He raised his brow and asked again.
“So you have zero feelings for me? Just playing around?”
Tao Shuran dodged the question.
Unable to suppress her emotions, she cried, “I don’t want to like you anymore, Liang Yuanjing.”
“Let’s break up.”
“Give me some relief.”
With things said this far, Liang Yuanjing’s eyelids twitched, his rapid heartbeat settling to normal.
He lifted his chin slightly, gaze drifting beyond the railing, his expression cooling back to that aloof arrogance.
With a scoff, he hooked his lips in self-mockery.
“Does liking me hurt you that much?”
Tao Shuran bit her lip hard, the taste of blood spreading in her mouth. In the ink-black night, she turned and left him for the first time.
Liang Yuanjing lowered his head indifferently to the metal lighter she’d thrown him. An indigo flame bloomed in his palm, illuminating his indifferent brows and eyes.
It was just a little like, not to the point of life or death.
Liang Yuanjing was arrogant as well. In the night interwoven with thick ink, he leaned on the railing and slowly finished a cigarette. Wisps of grayish smoke rose, and his eyebrows and eyes, lifted by the wind, caught the slender figure of the desolate girl.
She left without looking back.
After a while, he crushed the cigarette butt, his voice cold and indifferent.
“Tao Shuran.”
“We’ve broken up, so don’t meet again.”